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WHAT LIES-IN FRONT OF ME
/NOTE.
♥My World
hihi, thanks for dropping by.. here are the little little bits that form me.. :D

/GLAMOURESQUE
Name: Manman<3 ♥ ♥ ♥ God's Little Girl, Bb, Dance, Love, W16, Paint, Food, Sleep

/SPEECH

/CONTACT.
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    nonsense.

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  • /SOUL MUSIC.

    Jesus.. Lover of my soul..
    Monday, July 31, 2006

    Dear God, take all of me Lord. I really wanna do things Your way. I wanna be someone that You want me to be. although i doesn't have much with me, but i know when i place this little things in Your hands, You will multiply it.

    Jesus, thank You for dying for my sins, my weaknesses, my defeats, my sicknesses, my shame, my guilt.. thank You..

    everytime when i think about the cross, i will always have a picture of me standing there at the scene that day. standing there in awe; what a wonderful Savior! on the cross, You took my dirty, sinful clothing away and wrapped over Yourself. You are made sin because of me. How merciful You are!

    You are God, and You are willing to die for Your creation.. Thank You for loving us so much.. so much that i couldn't comprehend. so much that i can't imagine how You will feel if i hurt You again and again..

    thank You.. for taking over my place.. thank You for paying the penalty for me..

    You took my dirty clothing away. in return, You clothe me with Your pure white, flawless white robe. What an amazing grace..

    looking at the white robe.. my heart melted.. what can i say? Jesus.. You are made sin.. just for me.. because of You, i could have a chance to wear on this white robe.. i'm made pure.. because of You..

    what a great exchange! what a wonderful exchange..

    Lord.. You are so kind to me.. You are so powerful.. so mighty.. You can have an option to destroy all mankind and re-create another.. but You choose to send Your only Son to die for us.. Your love is so great! You love us so much that even Jesus forever took the nature of a man.. He is God-man Jesus..

    Are we so precious to You? i really don't understand.. we hurt Your heart so many many times.. and You said that Your grace is sufficient.. we leave and rebel against You so many many times.. and You said that You are like our shepherd.. and You will lead the lost sheep back to their home...

    i really can't understand.. many many times i don't understand why You want to do things the way it turn out to be.. and You tell me that Your ways are higher than our ways.. and after a long time.. i slowly learnt to understand why You want to do things the way it turn out to be.. how great is Your wisdom!

    Lord.. how great You are! thank You so much... so much...i can't do anything to repay You back.. it's simply too much.. no way i can repay You back.. couldn't even meet up with 1% of what You have given me..

    Your grace, Your wisdom, Your strength, You love, Your health, Your everything.. in exchange of my weaknesses, my shame, my guilt, my sin, my sicknesses, my defeats, everything that is rotting from the inside of me..

    thank You Jesus.. Love You all the days of my life.
    &lovin' Bb at 1:15 AM♥
    Thank You.. all my beloved friends!
    Sunday, July 30, 2006

    really want to thank all the people.. especially my cell group members.. they are such a wonderful group of people.. added so much joy in my life.. haha..

    thank you for friends that are there for me in my difficult times.. even though some people are not physically there.. but i know you really concerned about my life as well.. really thank you for you!

    and wanna thank my friends who are willing to stand in the gap for me.. haha.. these few days got so many things happened... really wanna thank friends who are there to protect me la.. hee.. those who read this should be able to know who you are.. really wanna give a big thank you to you!

    also wanna thank friends who are always be there for me.. really not just want to be a friend to me because of certain reason.. cause i met alot of people who befriend people because of their money, looks, talents.. but i know that my friends does not fall into these kind of category.. (cause i don't really have much to share also.. haha.. )

    thank you for all my friends.. those who are still with me now and those who are once running together with me.. i prayed that those friends who are still with me now will continue to run together with me..

    really don't know how to put all my feelings in words.. but what i can say is that without you, my friend.. i won't be where i am today.. you guys really made my day.. love you all.. really hope that as time goes by.. i could get to know all of you better.. so that i can be there for you in times of need as well.. THANKS ALOT MY FRIENDS!
    &lovin' Bb at 12:36 PM♥
    I might get weary, but with God, i can move on some more..
    Saturday, July 29, 2006

    today's cell group was really very good.. the presence of God was so strong.. felt really very refreshed. really thank God that i can be able to come to His presence once again. felt that i have the courage, the strength to move on further.

    during worship, felt one verse really impresses me in my heart. here's the verse...

    Isaiah 40:28-31
    'Have you not known? have you not heard? the everlasting God, the LORD, the creator of the ends of the earth, neither faints nor is weary, His understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the weak, and to those who have no might He increases strength. Even the youth shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall, but those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.'

    felt really encouraged by this verse. i know that everytime when i am in need of His strength.. His strength is more than sufficient for me..and everytime when i face difficulties.. He will always be there for me.

    many times i have been relying on my own strength.. and many times when i depleted all my strength.. i felt so tired.. is more than just physically tired.. but is my heart tired..

    but God promises us that when we wait on Him, our strength can be renewed. but so many times i was so caught up by the circumstances around me.. all i did was to try to solve the problems by myself.. i should be looking onto God for solution.

    thank God for Bible.. really encouraged me in times of need.. i know that although i still have many flaws inside of me.. many times i will fail.. i will fall.. but if i keep my eyes onto God.. the Creator of everything in this universe.. the Master Creator of me.. His grace, His power, His wisdom, His strength, His abilities is more than sufficient for me..

    i'm okay now le la.. i know with God.. i can accomplish far more greater things when i'm alone.. i know there are times where the road get real tough.. but my heavenly Father will always hold my hand and guide me through.. Thank You Lord!
    &lovin' Bb at 12:24 AM♥
    stress stress STRESS!
    Thursday, July 27, 2006

    yesterday was really a very very bad day for me..

    last few days has been really stressful for me at work. cause i have no prior experience to call centre... need longer time to train myself up.. always have a feeling that my manager don't really like me.. oh well..

    yesterday i made a terrible mistake.. the customer got really upset.. infact the mistake was done on monday.. only yesterday customer called to chase then we realised that i made a mistake.. and the customer is really really angry.. and they demanded an email to explain to them what really happened.. i was feeling really really low la..

    really don't know what to do.. is like you made this mistake yourself.. can't blame at other people... and when this mistake is there.. i really don't know what is the best way to solve it..

    felt lost, angry, disappointed, sad, etc etc..

    but one thing for sure.. i don't like it to be this way.. and my manager stayed back to settle the thing for me..

    of course after that she got talk to me la..

    wah.. really wanna break down at that time sia.. really wanna talk to someone at that time.. really feel like taking up a phone and tell someone about how i really felt.. really feel like letting all the stress out at one go.. but i still hang on...

    before i left the office.. went to the toilet and de-stress a little.. really cannot take it le..

    really felt like what am i going to do for the rest of the year? am i fit for this job?

    thoughts of quitting came to my mind.. but i told myself that i can't quit.. as running away is not a way to solve problem.. i really need to learn to overcome this.. so many people been thru this.. i can do it also..

    but.. will i be able to do it?

    i'm really stress out.. really very very stress out.. ARGH!!

    that time i really almost broke down.. but i don't wanna cry.. cause later my colleague see paiseh.. haha..

    anyway.. i went for dance class after work.. went WKM.. totally cannot catch e steps.. sadness.. mayb one month didn't dance le ba.. i really couldn't get e accent and timing..

    but i really manage to forget for a while what happened in office.. haha.. really managed to destress.. haha..

    today i performed slightly better.. i'm so happy.. haha..

    and today casandra is so nice.. so bought me chocolate.. haha.. so sweet of her.. really want to thank God for such a nice colleague like her.. haha.. love it man! she always makes my day.. but now she need to go for the earlier lunch.. i can't go lunch with her .. so sad..

    anyway.. i believe (by faith) that i can do it.. haha.. this job will become smaller and smaller each day.. haha..
    &lovin' Bb at 11:17 PM♥
    last week.. busy week
    Tuesday, July 25, 2006

    sorry it's been long time since i write a decent entry.. haha.. last week is really a very busy week.. need to complete alot of things last week.. need to complete 10 pieces of shirts.. (and i was told that the customer want to return the shirts.. sad.. i will not spend time to draw those shirts if i knew earlier.. hai...)

    anyway.. last week was really very physically tiring.. average sleeping time was about 2.5 hours.. and on sat.. i really KO-ed.. haha.. slept till 3pm! haha.. then after that rush down to expo by cab.. haha.. expensive sia... so ex.. haha..

    after sat.. really felt so well rested. thank God for that.. haha.. on sun got energy to go for the guitar exam.. if not i definately can't concentrade.. haha..

    really wanna thank God for this guitar exam.. cause i really no time to prac.. really no time.. don't even have time to sleep.. and on sat.. manage to go thru a few times after svc.. and sun i just go for the exam le.. haha.. without God.. i don't think i can make it through..

    i not sure about the result yet.. hopefully can pass la.. haha.. they say will get the pastoral side know about the results first.. haha.. stress.. really wanna pass lei.. been training for like 10 weeks.. haha.. don't wanna fail just like this..

    wanna go take intermediate after some time.. haha.. don't wanna stay here only.. wanna move on further.. haha.. really felt that it's really so cool to be able to play nice music.. must really train harder
    &lovin' Bb at 12:08 AM♥
    Guitar Exam
    Monday, July 24, 2006

    the guitar exam was awesome! haha.. had a great time.. haha..

    but i was really puzzled why my name was the first on the list.. cause all my life.. i expect i'll be placed at one of the last few.. cause my surname start with 'Y'. so usually those with 'A' will start first rite..

    but i not sure why my name was the first on the list...

    oh well.. i still go ahead with the exam. there is two instructors, john and another person.. sat in front of me. then i sit alone.. and 3 more of my classmates will sit at the back.. okay.. i'm facing this alone.. woah... cool.. haha..

    i can't remember that person's name. .think is edwin ba.. he asked me quite a few questions.. about how to do relative tuning.. and some of the chords.. haha.. thank God he didn't ask a lot.. haha..

    then we start with the mock cell group. then it was really challenging.. cause i know my barre chords was a killer.. haha.. and they choose this song that has more barre chords.. but at least this song i'm more familiar.. haha.. then during the first verse.. i saw john signal two. i was wondering how come so fast go to chorus.. then i thought that pre-chorus is two.. then i played pre chorus.. haha.. then after that he signal two again.. i was shocked. then i played pre chorus again and they start to sing chorus.. oh man! haha.. had a difficult time trying to catch back the song. .haha.. my barre chords still very weak lei.. really jia lat.. haha..

    then after the praise.. is the worship.. haha.. i really give my whole heart to play this song.. i know that my praise song is really jia lat.. my worship song couldn't perform as bad..

    really treated this as my own worshipping the Lord.. haha.. really enjoyed it..

    after playing the song.. i was feeling like 'woah!' finally over eh... haha.. then after that edwin ask me to do the moderate worship strumming.. cause i didn't use this strumming pattern.. haha.. thank God that i rehearse that 10 sec earlier.. haha..

    he commented that the overall is good.. but really need to practise barre chords and i can afford to play louder.. haha.. that was really encouraging.. haha..

    then the next few just go in front one by one.. when i was sitting there.. i felt i'm so blessed to be first one.. haha.. really so blessed.. cause thinking back.. the first one really don't have much stress.. when you are the last few of the queue.. you know how others played.. additional stress will be upon them.. haha.. thank God for this wonderful arrangement.. haha..

    after my group (first half of the class) have finish.. we asked the next group to come in. .haha.. then we sit outside.. and wynstan taught plucking.. woah.. is quite diffiult eh.. although sound easy.. but really difficult to coodinate and be able to aim correctly at the strings.. haha..

    but i'm determined to learn it.. really want to play good songs for God.. hee..

    after the next group have finish their tests.. we went in and john have a final briefing with us.. haha.. we all prayed together.. and after the lesson.. we took pictures together..
    here's the pic.. hee. this is the beginner's guitar class.. hee.. all the beloved classmates and john is squating right in front.. really a big thank you to all of them.. haha.. these 10 weeks was really a wonderful experience... haha.. and of course.. never forget wynstan.. the one who sacrifice himself to take this pic for all of us.. haha.. he's also awesome.. haha..

    thank God for this opportunity to be able to learn guitar for him.. thinking back.. God really changed my thinking towards guitar all these years.. still remember last time i really don't like guitar.. i always felt that guitar was very ugly... and i told myself i will never pick up guitar.. haha.. and now i just graduated from guitar class.. strange rite.. haha.. God really change people.. haha..

    i not sure whether i pass the test or not.. no matter what.. i'm still gonna continue to learn guitar to shine for the Lord!
    &lovin' Bb at 2:25 AM♥
    Marriage seminar first week

    woah.. this week pastor starting a series on making marriage work.. i can't associate myself with marriage yet.. but i'm really very blessed by the sermon. i understand more about how God looked at marriage and relationship between people.. and how God looked at us..

    and during sunday service.. pastor asked all the married couples to hug and kiss each other.. aww.. so nice~ the atmosphere was so heart warming.. felt so touched..

    overall.. really blessed by the sermon this week.. looking forward for more.. haha..
    &lovin' Bb at 2:17 AM♥
    Tiring week
    Thursday, July 20, 2006

    sorry it's been long time since i last have an entry... these few days been really very busy for me... cause need to do alot of things.. and really didn't have time to sleep..

    this week my average sleeping hours is about 4 hours.. argh.. not enough sleep.. so tired..

    need to finish all the painting for the shirts.. next time i really don't want to take big orders le.. it's really killing me.. haha..
    &lovin' Bb at 9:18 PM♥
    First Pay
    Saturday, July 15, 2006

    woah.. friday i finally received my first pay... HooRAY!! haha.. on thursday night i meet pui they all and have very short dance session.. after that we make our way back home.. i saw e clock.. it's 10 mins to 12.. so i decided to go to the ATM and check.. at first i thought that i will only see small figures.. (it's been like that for quite some time .. so got real used to it.. )

    and i wasn't really expecting any other amount except those small figures..

    then i just key in pass word as usual.. and i was really shocked.. the first expression is shocked.. SHOCKED!! and thank God it's at night.. not much people.. i stood there in front of the ATM.. real shocked!!

    haha.. my mind became blank all of the sudden.. really blank.. after that i took out my card and make my way back home.. i told pui man i really shocked.. never seen so much in my bank account. i couldn't believe my eyes.. really.. then after that.. felt really wanna cry.. cause you work one whole month.. then the pay came in.. felt so touched.. really felt very happy.. but i didn't cry in e end..

    after that.. felt very happy.. cause all these while been lack of money.. and now at least got money to last me through another month. really thank God for this job.. haha..

    but overall.. i'm really feeling everything.. the feelings are so mixed up.. don't know how to describe it.. but one thing that i'm sure.. that i really felt so blessed that i receive this first pay.. although this amount is not alot to most of the working adults.. but to me.. it's really something special.. so i decided to write down how i felt..

    maybe i over-reacted about it.. but i really felt so happy.. cause now the pay come in.. no need to live in lack.. but really must learn to budget.. haha.. don't want to wait till the end of the month then no money again.. wanna save up to SOT!!

    heee..first pay is really something that everyone should look forward to.. cause it's really very memorable.. for me.. that time at the ATM and walking back home was really very emotional sia.. now i still can't believe that i have already gotten my pay..

    but the amount very funny lei.. i not sure how much they put in.. but they definately gave me more than one month.. wah.. like that how to pay tithe sia.. haha.. never gave so much for tithe...

    God.. really thank you that you always guide me.. from the starting.. i only could afford few cents as tithe.. after that i grown to a person that pay a few dollars as tithe.. now i start to pay an amount of tithe that is really the next level.. thank You Lord.. You are really my provider.. looking back.. You have really shown me alot... You have thought me that as long as i'm with You.. i will never live in lack. You will provide for me..

    tomorrow i'm going to give the biggest tithe until now.. really thank God.. remember when i was younger.. i don't even have this amount to give you.. now i'm paying tithe.. wow.. i wonder how much more you can bring me to.. i believe You will continue to bless my life.. so that i can bless others too..

    one day.. i gonna have a biz.. i believe that God will prosper this biz..
    &lovin' Bb at 12:10 AM♥
    7 things about me
    Tuesday, July 11, 2006

    okay.. Calynne ask me to write.. haha.. wah.. so many things sia.. wants me to label 7 things of each category.. haha.. my brain dying.. haha..

    7 random things about myself:
    - i got the ermm.. international face.. less than 1% of the people said i look like singaporean.. sadness..
    - i was from hong kong. now i am singaporean. that's why my name and surname look so rare in singapore..
    - you will always see me eat a lot during meal times. eat like a pig.. haha.. my colleagues so shocked that they saw me ate so much and still not fat.. haha.. blessed.. (ermm.. okay.. need to clarify.. i don't eat everything one okay.. i eat those that's nice.. hee.. i am not pig!)
    - one of the few favourite drinks is COKE and MILO!!
    - PINK!PINK!PINK! i love pink.. such a sweet colour..
    - i will dance and draw when i'm real bored. i will start to draw things on paper when i'm bored at work (you can't dance in office rite? haha.. )
    - i love to play with com.. i can sit there for long time.. hee..


    7 things that scare me:
    -INSECTS! any creepy crawling things i don't like.. hate it!! especially flying ones.. don't ever try to get near me.. i'll SCREAM!!
    - really afraid of days when i felt dry in the spirit.. it simply scares me.. i don't want to miss out God for every single day..
    - horror movies.. although i know that all these movies are fake.. (imagine that those actors and actresses trying to be scary in front of the director, camera crew, blah blah.. ) but i will still be shocked, scared, irritated by the movies.. haha.. but i still don't mind watching horror movies..
    - tests! i simply hate tests.. cracking your head for days to stuff everything in.. and throw out everything within a few hours and totally forget what i wrote after the test.. haha.. great..
    - competitions.. especially dance competitions.. challenging.. but sometimes really very pressurized.. but i'll still join dance competitions.. hee.. wierd me.. anyone signing up for any dance competitions and performances must look for me k? i try to make it..
    - public speaking.. i will not know what to say.. haha.. wait till i brush up my english.. hee..
    - get fat! simply hate that.. pui man laugh till like crazy when she saw the photos when i took in china.. don't want to get fat anymore (but speaking of china.. the food there is really FANTASTIC! CHEAP and NICE!!)

    7 random songs at the moment:
    -shakira - hips don't lie
    -akon - bananza
    -alicia keys - if i ain't got you
    -kelly clarkson - breakaway
    -kirk franklin - brighter day
    -planetshakers - rain down
    -sun ho - (還是會想他) hai shi hui xiang ta

    7 things i like the most:
    - I love God! being with Him is such a joy everyday
    - Love Dance!! hee.. dancing is more than a hobby.. is already a part of my life
    - I love church! hee.. love to be in church.. people are so nice.. and serving Him is really an honour and a wonderful experience...
    - RABBITS! hee.. they are so CUTE and adorable!! hee.. love them lots.. hee.. i love to watch them eat.. hee.. so CUTE..(no wonder my rabbits are all so fat.. haha..)
    - I like to draw.. haha.. now i like to draw faces on shirts!
    - I love listen to songs.. i can't live without music in my life..
    - I love people.. love being with people.. can't stand being alone for too long.. haha..

    7 things i say most:
    -haha
    -coolness
    -sadness lah~
    -okay.. i know i'm lame..
    -irritating!
    -hey.. everytime you like to disturb me
    -good morning/afternoon/evening, fuji xerox, sin man speaking, how can i assist you?

    7 people to do this:
    - Jennifer
    - Jacky
    - Kai Li
    - Jeannie
    - Joan
    - Kel
    - Per
    &lovin' Bb at 9:41 PM♥
    shopping with pui!

    hehe.. today i had training at my workplace.. so end work earlier than my normal shift..

    after that met up with pui to have shopping with her at causeway point.. haha.. she really changed.. haha.. she finally didn't grumble during shopping.. hee..

    lalala..pui look so pretty and CUTE in the new cap =))) --->that's what pui typed herself.. i didn't said that.. haha..

    anyway.. although it's not a long shopping trip.. but i totally enjoyed it.. haha.. she bought a new cap.. actually supposed to share the cost with her.. i haven't pay her back yet.. haha.. i wanted to buy a cap too! a red one.. really like it alot.. but they only left with display set.. sad.. and the shopkeeper still ask me to buy that display set.. eeeeeeee... i don't want!

    just now tried on the caps there.. about 5 mins later my head start to itch.. eeeee.. must be the caps dirty.. and that shopkeeper still ask me to buy display set?!?!?!

    and pui funnie la.. suggest me to wash it before wear.. -_-

    i rather don't buy.. i wonder who wore that before.. eeeeee.. haha

    anyway.. really have a great time shopping with her.. hee..
    &lovin' Bb at 9:22 PM♥
    Guitar Exam coming soon~!
    Monday, July 10, 2006

    on sunday i had the second last lesson of the guitar class.. next week we'll have a mock cell group meeting.. woah.. i didn't know it's so fast.. so many weeks has passed by..

    this week john is not here to teach.. he went to reservice.. another instructor edwin came..

    and during the class is so stressed.. couldn't play well at all.. felt so bad about it.. and edwin told us that this kind of standard we have.. we can't pass the final exam.. he said that we have two more weeks to catch up.. argh.. i need help!!

    after lesson i called kel.. and i went to have dinner with him and his classmates.. haha.. his classmates are so fun.. one of them is an army officer.. he told us so many army stories.. and i thank God that i'm a lady.. i don't need to go through all the physical and mental stress.. i think i cannot take it if i go for officer training course.. haha..

    it's really interesting to be with them.. haha.. been there for about 1 hour plus.. then we all split our ways.. and kel and i stayed back to practise guitar..

    we went to SMU linkway there to prac guitar.. i really have difficulty to change chords sia.. can't change as fast.. and especially barre chords.. i'll mute it and it sound horrible.. argh..

    but at SMU.. i can play better.. cause not so stress.. hee.. how i wish i can play at least like that during the final exam.. at least i'll not fair so badly..

    anyway.. after that.. a guy came over.. he asked us what are we playing.. and he saw the chords... then he asked are we christian.. haha.. we told him which church we're from and he said that he's a christian too..

    and kel played one of the song that is written by our church to him.. and he asked quite a few questions about our church.. and he comment that our church is so up-to-date, and so contemporary... haha..

    had a nice time talking to him.. and after that he went back to his room nearby.. think his friends and him are in the room waiting for the world cup finals.. haha..

    after that about 10.40.. we made our way back home.. hee.. really must make it a point to prac guitar.. can't afford to fail.. made so many sacrifices for this guitar class.. i can't fail..

    oh ya.. yesterday pui man, jennifer, ger, min kuan nad jacky went for the PSC competition.. they won.. haha.. so happy for them.. supposed to be with them.. but need to go guitar class.. can't skip.. remember that time kinda don't know what to do cause i really can't join them on sunday.. so ask ger to take over.. haha..so happy they won! hee..

    anyway.. now i just finish prac guitar.. now my left hand is so painful.. now have some problems typing.. haha.. i can do it!!!
    &lovin' Bb at 10:00 PM♥
    Disappointments..
    Sunday, July 09, 2006

    our cg have prayer meeting this week.. during worship time.. felt that God want to speak to us regarding disapointments.. and after the prayer meeting.. bro valor tell us that the cg sermon is about handling disapointments! cool..

    but during worship time.. so many things just came rushing in.. times of me feeling good and bad.. times when i felt so happy when i do something correctly.. times when i felt so ashamed of myself when i did something wrong.. times when i was confused of how people change in times.. times things does not turn out what i thought it's supposed to be..

    so many things on my mind.. times when i get disappointed with events, with people, with myself, and sometimes even with God..

    but looking back.. all these disappointments are only an indication that i did not trust God enough.. after all the disappointments, God pull through for me again and again.. God definately will step in and rescue you in times of need..

    but to me.. many times.. i will get disappointed at myself easily.. especially when i couldn't fulfill the things that i'm supposed to do.. hmm.. at least i can't even reach my own expectations.. no need to think of how others think about me.. i sometimes will get real angry with myself..'why i can't just do better? week by week the same thing happen again and again.. .. what's wrong with me.. ' sometimes i'll scold myself.. i .. simply got real disappointed with myself..

    but God really encouraged me during cell group.. hmm.. remembered those times when i was a younger christian.. my life my was different.. looking back.. God really changed my life.. i know that what i go through today... one day in the future.. i'll look back to this day.. i know that i'll be happy that i chose to hang on to God's promises and continue to move on with Him.. even if life is getting tougher.. i know that someday in future.. i'll be happy of myself.. on what i did today..

    thinking about this.. felt that i have strength to move on further.. to take on another day of challenges for Him.

    sometimes.. things really does not turn out what we wanted to be.. life is not so perfect after all.. but how are we going to face this imperfect life? get bitter and complain or choose to face the fact and deal with whatever that is within our ability?

    many will choose the shorter and easier way out..

    when times are getting real tough.. times when you really want to give up.. when you want to leave everything aside and don't care about everything.. this is the time that you tell yourself to pull through.. to continue to pull yourself back together.. even if you felt that you have already in a dead end.. even if you felt that you have no where to go.. continue to hang on.. staying there at least is better than giving up..

    when times where people, events, and even yourself disappoint you. really encourage you to stop getting bitter and move on.. dwelling in the past will not do you any better.. you'll only hurt yourself further and deeper..

    even in times things seems impossible.. meditate yourself in the Word of God.. God will never lie.. whatever He said is always true.. continue to bite on His promises and move on.. run towards Him!!

    one thing is being disappointed.. another thing is to keep dwelling in that disappointment... i don't want to continue to hang on all these disappointments.. God.. i leave all my disappointments unto Your hands.. You know how i felt.. You know what i go through.. teach me Your ways oh Lord.. Lord.. from here till the day i fulfil my destiny.. teach me how to get there..

    i've seen so many people chose to leave this race.. i don't want to be like them.. i want to run to the end.. teach me to be a better disciple of You..
    &lovin' Bb at 12:38 AM♥
    scary friday

    i'll never forget this day man.. had a scare of my life!

    thursday night i set the alarm as usual.. preparing myself for work the next day.. when i woke up the next day.. i heard my phone rang..

    you know when you just woke up you'll be kinda blur blur... but i know that the ringtone is not e usual alarm ringtone.. sound kinda different.. then i reach for my handphone.. i saw my colleague call me.. and i saw the clock.. it's 9:48am!!!! oh no.. I'M LATE!!

    oh my gosh.. that time i was totally shocked!! so shocked!! this week really is a bad week for me.. monday sick.. thurday took leave.. and now on friday i was late for work!!

    i ran out of the house as fast as i could. and after that i call back to the office and explained to my colleague.. she ask me to take half day leave.. but that time i really don't know what to do sia.. i told her i felt so bad.. i taking cab down.. ...

    but when i was on the cab.. i thinking about what she said just now.. i don't know rushing down on cab is the right thing to do not.. what she 'suggest' just now.. did she meant that she's actually wanting me to take half day leave??!! or she's just normal suggesting without any meaning in between the lines?

    anyway.. i still take a cab down.. reach the office at 10:40.. i'm so late la.. this is the worst day of my life.. really.. argh.. i really don't want this to happen again.. really want to wake up on time.. really... argh..
    &lovin' Bb at 12:15 AM♥
    feeling sick..
    Friday, July 07, 2006

    hmm.. these few days been not feeling well.. my mind simply can't concentrade much.. and been feelin kinda low these few days.. haha.. but i'm alright la.. sometimes no reason will feel low..

    maybe i'm tired ba.. mainly is physically tired.. cause been doing so many things.. couldn't catch much sleep these few weeks.. body going to cannot make it le..

    hope that i can recover soon.. but no time to sleep for long time lei.. everyday need to wake up early.. hai~ how i wish one day i can sleep like a pig!! haha..
    &lovin' Bb at 12:11 AM♥
    Graduated!
    Thursday, July 06, 2006

    haha.. today had my graduation ceremony.. i am offically graduated from poly!! haha.. so happy.. i have my diploma already!

    todae's ceremony was really fast.. doesn't have real long speeches.. everything ended about one hour.. hee.. i forgot about the timing of the ceremony.. almost late.. haha.. just on time.. haha..

    getting on stage was kind of mixed feelings.. feeling kinda sad cause in this school i met many many friends.. is in Singapore poly that i can learn how to be an entrepreneur.. without this school.. i won't be where i am today..

    and part of me really wanna move on.. cause i don't want to stick with a diploma all my life.. wanna pursue a better cert..

    and that time.. feeling kind nervous.. cause going on stage getting the cert.. gosh... what if i walk akwardly? what if i trip on stage? haha.. and i was one of e few that didn't wear those black coat... do i look alright? hee..

    okay.. my turn to go on stage.. i heard someone laugh.. hmm.. i wonder who is that and DO I LOOK FUNNY? WHY LAUGH??!! hmph!!

    anyway.. don't care about that wierd laughter.. i meet director on stage to get a red empty roll.. and he said,' congrats' that time i was feeling really happy.. of course i remembered to say thank you la.. and we took a pic.. i hope e pic will look nice.. i'll be delievered in 3 weeks time.. hee..

    after the ceremony.. we took some pic and i go meet lei yeng and dorin to go SAA to get some brochures for uni admission..

    i took some brochures from SIM and SMU.. read through what is e admission requirements..

    SMU like more difficult to get in.. cause need to take SAT test.. and there is interview.. i am not afraid of the interview.. but i don't want to take SAT test lei.. hmm.. but i like SMU.. it's like so cool.. the campus is in the city.. the facilities are so new.. i heard it's a very good school.. but i really don't want to take SAT test..

    SIM did not mention that i need to take SAT test to get in.. think maybe i should go that school? really don't know which school to go to further my studies.. but i definately wanna get a degree.. i don't want to stay at diploma all my life..

    anyway.. after we took the brochures.. we go back.. okay.. all the food is gone.. we took somemore pic and we go eat KFC.. hee.. it's been a long time since i last ate KFC.. and i buy alot of things.. i am surprised that i could finish the meal..

    i realised i grown fatter... oh no.. just now i look through the pic we took just now.. argh..i wanna cut fat too! but now e dance class all cancel till next next week.. argh.. can't imagine me growing fat again..

    haha.. back to the topic.. it's really a nice day to be in school again.. and to attend the graduation.. overall i enjoyed the session..
    &lovin' Bb at 11:23 PM♥
    i'm blessed to have friends
    Tuesday, July 04, 2006

    just feel like writing an entry about friends again. but this time will not be so negative as last time.

    really want to thank God that there are so many friends around me that are so nice to me.. it's really great to know friends that are so fun..

    but besides fun.. many really cared for me as a person. and some that i can share my heart with. i'm really blessed to have great friends around me...

    really want to thank the church.. cause is through church that i got to know friends that are willing to walk the extra mile with me.. friends that are committed to make this friendship work for a lifetime..

    there are so many things that i need to learn from my friends.. feeling really happy to get to know so many people.. still looking forward to meet more wonderful people..
    &lovin' Bb at 10:05 PM♥
    i want to be guitar pro!
    Monday, July 03, 2006

    yesterday had my guitar class before going to ser koon's birthday party.

    kind of lost at first cause i didn't go for lesson last week. John, my guitar class instructor, asked me how was my performance at orchard.. haha.. in front of the whole class.. so paiseh.. haha.. he asked me why i don't want to go for project o.. i told him i need to help out in cell group. can see that he really encouraged me to go for project o.. he said that i can help out in cg and dance at the same time.. haha.. so encouraged..

    anyway.. he is so kind.. he ask the class to go through last week's lesson for me.. the new strumming pattern.. woah.. thank God that before lesson i had some practise.. haha.. can catch immediately.. will not slow down e pace of the class..

    john taught about how to link the songs together when playing guitar.. like the intro, singing in the spirit, and how to end.. wow.. really learnt alot.. haha.. so blessed by the guitar class..

    although i still not familiar with the chords.. but i know that i am getting better every single day..

    and during some part of the lesson.. our class are divided into half.. sort of a mock praise and worship session.. haha.. that time is kinda stressed.. quite alot of chords i can't remember where is it.. then i didn't play at all.. but the strumming and singing i'm okay.. just that i can't change chords as fast and accurate.

    somemore the aircon is so cold.. my hands are freezing.. can't press correctly.. and stressed up somemore.. can't think.. haha..

    but i told myself i will work on it somemore.. haha..

    after the lesson i ask john about plucking.. he's really nice la.. he ask me when i wanna learn.. he said after the last test look for him.. he pass me notes for me to prac.. haha.. so happy.. haha.. so looking forward to it.. to me.. plucking is such a wonderful technique.. it make the song sound heavenly.. haha..

    it's really funnie lei.. thinking back.. last time i told myself that i'll never ever learn guitar.. cause i don't like the shape of the guitar.. cause i find it ugly.. but don't know what happened in between.. now i simply fell in love with guitar.. i got really inspired by pierson, saddrick and john lye when they play guitar.. it's so nice! i want to be like them one day.. but i don't want to wait for two years to achieve it.. i want to set a target of one year.. haha..
    &lovin' Bb at 8:48 PM♥
    Not Feelin' Well

    wah.. today is super sad day.. not feeling really well.. on the way to work really cannot make it le.. so turn back home.. now resting a while then later go see doctor...

    having serious headache.. can't concentrade much.. and tummy not feelin well also..

    argh.. i don't like to be sick..
    &lovin' Bb at 11:25 AM♥
    my dead vision.. came alive
    Sunday, July 02, 2006

    thank God for today's service.. it's been a real blessing to me.. pastor talked about visions.. he gave examples from the Bible.. Peter.. he put his life, all his hope, all his future on Jesus.. when Jesus declared to His disciples that He's going to die.. more than just feeling sad.. he felt his vision threatened.. maybe he will be thinking,'if Jesus will really die.. how can my vision for being a fisher of men come to pass? without Jesus.. how can i do whatever God call me to do?'

    to Peter, without Jesus means that his vision, his dreams, his desire for having a higher calling in his life, a desire of a life that is more than just a fisherman at the sea of galilee is being threatened..

    'how can i survive without Jesus..?'

    pastor gave another example.. Judas.. when he heard Jesus' declaration that He's going to die.. he felt that he need to do something..

    what he placed upon Jesus is more than just wanting to follow Him.. what's really inside of Him is that Judas want more money, period. Judas thought that through Jesus, he could be prosperous too..

    but this vision.. this future.. Jesus.. is going to die..

    Judas decided that before Jesus dies.. he could get some money out of Him.. to minimise the cost..

    Judas sold Jesus for 30 pieces of silver..

    in the process.. he sold his own soul too..

    does Jesus worth only 30 pieces of silver? does Judas' soul worth 30 pieces of silver? NO! definately not..

    but why there are so many people.. including me.. willing to settle for something that is lower in value.. and not willing to pursue the better, the God given life?

    it seems so foolish of Judas to do that.. but many times.. we are living a life exactly like this.. choose to live a second rated life.. choose to seek shortcut to success.. choose to spend a life without vision.. choose to live a life that is self-satisfying.. ain't we doing exactly the same as what Judas did?

    i was really being challenged by the message.. i got to continue to lean on God.. really need to trust that He'll truly provide the best of the best for you.. many times i couldn't believe that God will really truly provide the best one for me.. i say best is really really the best.. sometimes i felt discouraged and i will think to myself,' maybe.. maybe.. God will provide.. maybe.. hopefully.. God will provide good things for my life.. but as for the best.. will i have the chance to get it? .. will i?'

    today.. this mindset is being broken.. i know that God will truly provide for me.. although things does not happen now.. i know that God will plan and provide for me.. whatever i need.. somehow.. provision will be there.. and it'll not be second rated.. it'll be first grade.. it'll be the best!

    Pastor also talked about vision.. after that he preached on.. he talked about Peter.. Jesus said that Peter will deny Him for 3 times.. Peter don't believe.. and indeed.. when Jesus.. Peter's vision, hope, future is being dragged away by the guards.. he's lost.. he's with the crowd.. following Jesus and see what his vision will become.. but he is so far back in the crowd.. he no longer have the strength to proclaim that he's the disciple of Jesus.. he no longer have the ability to stand strong in the crowd..

    'what happened to my dream? didn't Jesus said that i can be a fisher of man? what am i doing here.. looking at Jesus.. dying... ... .. '

    true enough.. he denied Jesus 3times.. and after the third time. their eyes met.. when Peter looking at his Lord.. he remembered what Jesus said.. he ran off bitterly..

    i wonder how Peter felt that time.. must be feeling really terrible..

    after that.. Peter went back to his old life.. fishing..

    many of us.. we really want to serve God more.. to be able to live the fullest in everything for Him.. but many times.. after being pumped up.. many discouragements, dissapointments came rushing in.. slowly.. many will choose to slow down the pace.. they no longer run.. they start to jog.. or walk.. some even choose to give up.. choose to leave this race altogether..

    what a sad day it'll be.. being forced to live a life that you thought you'll never live again.. as you thought that this dream of yours will never ever come to pass.. maybe you think that dream is just wishful thinking.. it'll never come to pass.. just settle for the old life and admit that this will be your destiny..

    sometimes i will think this way too.. sometimes i will think to myself,' where will i go? is this dream really for me? will i be able to fulfill this? am i qualified? God.. are you sure i can fufill this? will i be able to run this race? what if i ran the wrong way.. what am i going to do?....'

    many times i will give myself so many questions like this... sometimes i will really confuse myself..

    but i'm not willing to go back to old life.. i don't want to live that kind of life anymore.. although i got more time for myself.. but i don't want that kind of life.. i don't want.. i rather die than living back that kind of life.. but sometimes things seems so difficult to move on.. sometimes have this feeling of just give up everything.. .. sometimes things seems to leave me with no choice but to turn back.. to the old life..

    but thank God that i didn't do that.. i choose to press on.. although in front of me is a dead end.. i still want to break the wall down and move on.. i simply don't want to go back.. really don't want..

    Pastor continue on... he said that Jesus went to meet Peter they all at sea of galilee.. ask them to throw their nets on the other side.. and they caught alot of fish.. once Peter know that the man on the shore is Jesus.. he didn't wait for the boat to row back.. he jumped into the sea and ran to meet Jesus.. wow.. what eagerness..

    if i tell you.. your dead dreams will come alive again.. what will you do?

    for me.. i'll be like Peter.. ran to Jesus.. no matter what's stopping me.. i just wanna run to Him and get my vision back.. i want my life to be walking according to His will..

    Peter found his vision back.. and through him.. many turn to the Lord.. he truly had became what Jesus told him to be.. to be fishers of men.. to bring multitudes to the Lord..

    in the service.. i made the same declaration too! i want my vision to come alive once more..

    the presence of God was soooo strong.. so strong.. woah.. totally melted by His power.. pastor prayed for the leaders and helpers.. wow.. so priviledge to go and bring prayed for... wow.. at the front.. presence of God is so strong.. everyone can feel the power of God.. many.. including me.. cried.. it's been a long time since i cried in svc..

    i was so blessed by the service.. so blessed.. felt so refreshed.. felt that i have strength to move on.. felt that i can do something great for God.. felt that i can have the ability to do great things for Him!
    &lovin' Bb at 1:29 AM♥
    dance at orchard!

    so happy la.. today have a chance to dance at orchard again.. it's so cool.. haha.. learnt to be more confident in dancing in front of people.. and today got so many beat boxers went.. haha.. they are all cool people sia.. i don't think i can make it to beat box.. haha.. they are the talented ones.. hee..

    anyway.. for our dance.. we dance our ghetto dance again.. then after that we had our own solo.. haha.. pui and ger changed their songs.. it's so cool la.. much better lei.. haha.. cal and me still use e same song.. but i add on some more.. hee. and lingling use back the same song that she choreo before and she change the steps.. hehe

    i forget some steps sia.. and my turning not steady enough.. had some extra steps to balance myself before moving on to the next few steps.. so sian la..

    but overall i enjoyed myself.. hee..

    and one more thing.. today got soooo many people say i dance great and they say i slim!! haha.. so happy la.. it's really a confident boost to me.. haha..
    &lovin' Bb at 1:17 AM♥