there is somemore, isn't it?
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
THERE MUST BE MORE THAN THIS
O BREATH OF GOD COME BREATHE WITHIN
THERE MUST BE MORE THAN THIS
SPIRIT OF GOD WE WAIT FOR YOU
FILL US ANEW WE PRAY
FILL US ANEW WE PRAY
CONSUMING FIRE
AN INTO FLAME
A PASSION FOR YOUR NAME
SPIRIT OF GOD
FALL IN THIS PLACE
LORD HAVE YOUR WAY
LORD HAVE YOUR WAY WITH US
COME LIKE A RUSHING WIND
CLOTHES US WITH POWER FROM ON HIGH
NOW SET THE CAPTIVES FREE
LEAVE US ABANDONED TO YOUR PRAISE
LORD LET YOUR GLORY FALL
LORD LET YOUR GLORY FALL
STIR IT UP IN OUR HEARTS LORD
STIR IT UP IN OUR HEARTS LORD
STIR IT UP IN OUR HEARTS LORD
A PASSION FOR YOUR NAME
Just now I was playing this song in my own quiet time. Really want to share this song with all of you. I find that the lyrics of this song is really beautiful. It really ministered to my life right now.
God, there must be more than this right? I’m not satisfied in where I am now. I want to move on. God, really need you more and more each day. Really want to get closer to you. Fill my life I pray.
Many times the fire may fade, or even die. I pray that this fire in my heart will burn strongly once again. I prayed that it’ll continue to increase. I want to have the first love once again. A passion that withstand all storms that is ahead. A love that are able to stand the test of time.
I don’t want to be like this anymore. I really want to be someone that you truly want me to be. I want to do Your will, let Your will be done in my life.
I do not want to walk my life according to my own strength, my own wisdom, my own ability. I pray that God will always stand in front of me to guide me through.
God, there must be more than just this right? The things I have, the things I do, the people that I’m around with. I know that there must be more. Better things will come, more things to do and will have relationships with people that are deeper and better.
So many things I want to do. But sometimes it’s really frustrating that there are many obstacles or certain situation that stop me from doing what I wanted.
Lord, no matter what, I still trust in you. I believe that you will pull me through. You will continue to light up my path ahead and show me the correct way.
&lovin' Bb at 1:31 AM♥
Salvation belongs to the Lord
This Christmas is one of the best Christmas I ever had. This year, Christmas falls on Monday. I invited dad to come to church. My mum came too.
We attended 11am service. The service was really good, although there are some parts my parents don’t really understand (cause is in English), but there are some Chinese interpretation, so it’s alright.
Pastor preached about having peace in our lives. He really preached the best sermon ever. It is because it really speak into my dad’s life.
Past few months he has been having problems sleeping. He often lack of sleep and always need to work long hours. Many nights he will suddenly woke up and he had to stay awake for the night cause he could not get back to sleep. He is worried about things, there are some things he couldn’t let go. He does not have peace in his heart.
I believed that my dad really listened to the sermon, cause after that my dad commented that pastor is a really good speaker. I believed that this sermon really speak into his heart.
During the sermon, my mum wants to go to the washroom. I know my dad, he said he wants to bring mum to washroom. He wanted to escape. But I made him stay in service, and I brought mum to washroom. I wanted him to listen to the sermon. Cause that time I really have no idea after this day, when will be the next opportunity that I can sow a seed into his heart.
After that, we came back to the hall, but we stood at the back. Pastor just finish his sermon, he is giving the altar call.
This is the moment that I have been waiting for…
Pastor asked all of us to close our eyes. While he is giving the altar call, I was praying, praying for my dad. I prayed to God that I have done what I could, to bring him over. Whatever that is possible, I have done. Holy Spirit, please speak to his heart, let my dad know you. May the peace of God come upon him. Holy Spirit, I rely on You to make the impossible possible.
I really prayed intensively in my heart that time. As I prayed, I kept visualizing by faith that my dad will raise up his hand and respond to the altar call.
After that, pastor asked those who responded to come forward and I made my way back to the seats with mum.
I stood at my seat for about half a minute, really felt the prompting in my heart to ask my dad again. I raise my all my courage to ask him. I told him I really want him to have a peace of heart, a peaceful sleep, and some other issues. He gave me a gesture telling me no matter where he stood, it’s okay, no need to go forward.
When he had finish, ling ling came over, she wanted to walk out of her seat. My dad walked out also, cause e passageway is really too narrow. Praise the Lord! I made full use of this opportunity, I told him, ‘ why not I walk with you to the front, since you are already out…’
Really want to thank ling ling for this.
I know my dad. I believed that he felt something in his heart. He wanted to know more about this so-called Saviour. The One that pastor preached. The One being proclaimed that are able to give him the peace in his heart. I know that he’s been searching for something. And that day, I think my dad found the answer. But his ego is stopping him to admit.
I know my dad wanted to know this Saviour.
He said the altar call, I couldn’t hear, but I know he did. Cause I placed my hands on his back during that time, could felt some minor vibration from his back.
Honestly speaking, I am really very happy. I’m happy for my dad. He found the answer, the solution. He found the peace that he has been searching around for.
That day after service, we had a wonderful lunch at macau express. We really had a great time. (this is the first time I treated the whole family a meal. after working for half a year, it’s kind of slow I suppose. )
And after that we walked in courts megastore. I really enjoyed the time we have spent together. This is one of the greatest family outings I ever had.
The outing is short, but every minute is a blessing.
And I really want to thank God. He is really good. During the service, I also prayed that my dad are able to sleep well from now on, so that he will know that God is real. God really answered my prayers.
This is one of the few times I seen him slept on bus. He told me before that he have problems sleeping. He can’t even sleep on train. But that day we got back, the short 20mins bus ride, he really slept very soundly. He could even sleep on the bus! It’s really a breakthrough.
I need to go to causeway point to buy something, the rest went home first. When I got back, I was really shocked, my dad went to sleep again. And he slept all the way till we going to have our dinner. Can see on his face that he was really well rested. I am really very happy. I did not say much. I let him think through whether is this pure coincidence or is this because of God’s intervention.
I know that he knows the answer. But he do not want to admit. He just say plainly that it might be the medicine that made him sleep.
Anyway, I know that today a BIG seed has sown in his heart. I believe that this BIG seed will continue to grow into a strong tree, a tree that are able to protect him and shelter him for the rest of his life.
Praise the Lord!
&lovin' Bb at 12:25 AM♥
breaking down the wall
Saturday, December 16, 2006
Today I went for sat duty again. Today I am taking 3 boards for dispatch. Usually sat we only take 2 boards each, but today I’m taking 3. Initially want to clear all the IB that is still pending, but now I can’t clear at all. Simply no time.
Thank God that north board have not much calls. By the way.. Lulu told me today that I’m permanently taking north board. Stress. Still got so many things I not very sure about. Like T&M, taking out time for engineers… etc..
Oh man..
But at least I no need to take much CA calls. I don’t really like to take invoice enquires. I don’t like. So many things I need to take note. And talking to customers for very long time.
I prefer taking service calls, it’s faster and easier.
Today me, cas and nuraini taking sat duty. It’s really nice. Haha.. Really enjoyed it. But lulu came in at around 9plus.. -_-
Then can’t really talk much. But it’s nice to work with them.
Left office at around 1pm today. Talked to lulu. She really can talk sia.. So naggy.. Opps.. She told us about what she do, need to do a lot of planning, meetings, etc.
Can’t go for choir prac again.
Anyway today’s svc was really good. Presence of God is really strong. I was really ministered. Pastor talked about Shamgar. Throughout the sermon, many things been running in my mind. There are so many things that I want to do. Really want to take a step of faith to try out, but many times I choose to tell myself to delay the plans.
But I want to be like Shamgar, to be someone that will not wait for the perfect timing. Someone that has a willing heart to do the best that he can, to accomplish what God called him to do.
I believe that year 2007 will be a better year for me. 21 years old. From adolescence to adulthood. I believe that year 2007 will be a changing point in my life. As I can foresee that there will be many changes in my life next year.
Ok, back to the service, after the sermon, really felt God speaking to be in one area in my life. Not convenient to share here. Really want to have breakthrough in this area. Seems like there is a wall I need to overcome it. But through time, this wall has already become a part of me, it’s difficult to separate and discard it. To many people, this seems to be a small and insignificant issue. But to me, this is one of the greatest obstacles I’m facing now. No one can help except God. Really need to renew my mind in this area. Wherever I go, this issue has been bugging me. Sometimes it’s really difficult to concentrate to do other things.
But been trying for so many times these two weeks, been praying about this also, asking God for breakthrough. But nothing seems to happen. There are no improvements. The wall is still stuck there, couldn’t even find where is the starting point.
I believe that God will somehow will help me. Really want to solve this problem. Been there for years, I didn’t know about this issue at all. But only till recently it really surfaces and I couldn’t delay anymore. Felt that I really need to break this wall before I can move on to do more things.
Oh God, really need breakthrough. Really want to learn to trust You more. Really want to be someone that is truly free. Lord, be my Shepherd, continue to teach me, guide me, lead me. I don’t want to waste my life. I want to make it count. I want to live a life that will impact others. Someone that will make a difference and to shine.
&lovin' Bb at 11:45 PM♥
Tiring Week
Friday, December 15, 2006
this whole week been very dragging at work.. as usual.. hai.. really drag to go to work every single day.. but i know that i'm getting closer and closer to the end of my one year contract.. after that i'm free!!
&lovin' Bb at 11:49 PM♥
Father God, how great is Your love?
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Walking back home just now, quite a lot of things been on my mind recently. Kind of tired to think about them. So many things I want to do. But lack of time, lack of ability, lack of capacity, lack of energy..
Listening to my ipod, listening to worship song as usual. I made a longer way back. Want to have some time to really pour out my heart to God.
Sometimes looking at myself, looking at my life, there are so my faults, short-comings. So many things I want to do well, but I always couldn’t achieve what I expected myself to be. So many times, so many times, I really want to give up. But I thank God that I still have something that I can hold on to when every time I felt like giving up. Thank God that I did not. Thank God that I’m still in this race. Thank God that I’m still here, talking to Him.
As I’m approaching the lift, listening to ‘So you would come’ again. It’s always one of my favorite song. Not just a song that has nice melody, but it’s really a song that speak of my heart, my life.
Before I met the Lord, everything is without vision, without purpose. I don’t know who and what I’m living for every single day. Although I look happy, but is that the true happiness that I’ve found?
One day, I met God. My life changed. now I know what it means to be happy, to be able to smile from the inside of my being. To be able to tell myself that if I were to leave this world today, I will leave as a happy person.
Although many challenges arises, many difficulties to overcome, many walls to break, but I am happy. I know that God will always be there for me.
But a little girl like me, how much strength do I have? How many walls I can break? How many difficulties that I can overcome? I don’t know when will be the time when I say, ‘it’s too hard.. Too hard..’
I have forgotten. Forgotten that besides this little girl, her Father will always be with her. Her Father will always watch over her. Times when this little girl falls, the Father sees, the Father picks her up and into His arms. Times when this little girl cries, the Father will be there to comfort her. Times when this little girl comes wounded, the Father will come and heal her from all her injuries and make her life whole.
No matter what that little girl did, her Father’s love for her will always be the same. The unconditional love of the Father.
One day this little girl come to her Father, broken, wounded, tired. Feeling guilty, feeling weak, feeling ashamed. Step by step, she walk towards her Father. Her Father asked her, ‘what do you have in your hands?’
The little girl replied, ‘nothing, I have nothing to give. You have everything in the world. What can I offer to you that will bless you?’ feeling guilty and ashamed, the little girl step a few steps back.
Her Father looked at her for a moment, and He speak softly, ‘yes, there is. You have so many things that you can give me.’
The little girl thought for a while, and she said, ‘Daddy, I have nothing. My life is all in a mess, there are so many flaws in my life. You know it. You know there are so many times when I broke down and cry. You are with me when I couldn’t finish what you want me to do. There are countless times that I have disappoint you. What can I offer? I tried. I tried to be a really good girl. I tried to find ways to make you proud. But it never worked. I know that I could never be a good little girl in Your eyes, it’s so difficult. It’s so hard..’
The little girl steps back some more. Feeling like the whole world is going fall into pieces, the little girl starts to cry…
Her Father is full of compassion, He came close to her. Speak softly once again, ‘I’m proud of you, there is no need for you to work so hard to make me happy. My love for you will always be the same. No matter how many times you’ve failed, My love for you is able to give you strength to stand up again. No matter how many times you felt that you’ve disappoint me, My love for you are able to clear the doubts in your heart. No matter how many times you walked away from me, My love for you is more than sufficient to go all the way to be there for you, to always be on your side.
To me, you are the greatest treasure in My heart. I have created you. I thought of you even before the world being made known. every time when you rejoices, I cheered with you. every time when you cried, I am there to comfort you. every time when you felt alone, I am always be there on your side.
Little girl, come back to Me. Give me your wounds, give me your hurts, give me your worries. I have already prepared everything for you. I have sent Jesus to die in your place. Put your wounds, your hurts, your worries on the cross. There is no need for you to do anything to compensate. I have long forgotten all your transgressions.
Little girl, maybe you see you have nothing to give, maybe you felt that your life torn and tattered. Or maybe you felt that you does not have any abilities in your hands to do great things for me. Trust me, lean on me, seek refuge in me. I will make your life whole. Through you, I will do great and mighty exploits. I have great future all planned out for you. It is way beyond what you can comprehend right now. Are you willing to go on an adventure with me?’
The Father stretched out His hands towards the girl, giving her an invitation to a life led by Him.
The little girl looked at her hands, standing in awe. ‘what did I have that made you love me so much? I felt that I’m not worthy of this love You have for me. I disappoint you so many times, you still choose to forgive me, you still choose to love me. How great is your love.’ she said.
Daddy God, thank you for telling me that you really love me so much. Thank you that I have nothing to offer you, you gave me everything. Thank you for everything. I am amazed that your love is never changing. I am secure in you. I can have strength in you. I am able to overcome mountains with you. I can do great things for you. I am a giant in your kingdom. I can be someone that you desire me to be.
I want to live a life, led by you, all the days of my life. Lord, I’d pray that you continue to guide my path. You know my flaws, you know my weakness, you know there are many parts of my life that is broken, make it whole O God.
&lovin' Bb at 1:02 AM♥
Drink
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
I’ve been listening to Ipod these past few days, come across this song that really impacted my life.
I could not find the exact lyrics from the net, I listen to the song and I type it down. There might be some parts that is incorrect.
Christian City Church Oxford Falls
Drink
Living in the desert
Tired of the heat
Over the dryness
I need to be free
I see the notion
I felt the breeze
I found it in Jesus
There’s a place that I could be
A place of Your freedom
A place I could rest
A place where Your river flows
A place where Your mercy goes
A place without anguish
A place I could drink
A place I could drink
A place I could drink
Drink of the water
Drink of the wine
Drink of the presence
Leave the dryness behind
Coming to Jesus
To let Him touch me again
Drink of the Spirit
Let it never ends
Really want to experience more of God in my life. Sometimes really felt that I’m standing in the desert, the heat is really killing me. Sometimes things get really tiring. Really want a place to rest.
Only in Jesus, that I can find refuge. A place where I can find true freedom. In Him, I no longer need to stay in desert. I can find the cool breeze, the refreshing water that will satisfy my thirst.
Never felt so hungry for God before. Every single day, really want to seek the face of God.
These few months, God’s been speaking to me in regards to quite a number of areas in my life.
Remember one of the occasion, God asked, ‘if all your life, I will not bless what you desire in your heart, will you still worship me as Lord? Will you still love me for who I am?’
I thought for a while, many things running through my mind. It is a difficult answer, personally. This answer demands a lot of sacrifice. This answer will show what’s your priority in life, to love the blessings or the One who will blesses.
Many things in my life that will affect my decision in answering this question. There are so many things that I really want. I was thinking to myself, if I really did not get all the things that I want, will be still be satisfied in God? Or I will be like Job’s wife, choose to be discouraged and want to stop to walk in righteousness. Or I will be like Job, despite that he lost everything, He still choose to love God.
Will I still love God for who He is?
I replied, ‘Yes Lord. I will love You all the days of my life. Even if I have nothing in return, I will still choose to love You. Loving You does not demand anything in return… all I ask for is to be in Your presence all the days of my life…’
Another time I asked God to show me my future, what will my future be. God showed me visions, but felt God speaking to me in my heart that whatever I saw is just the beginning. God did not want to show me everything cause it’s beyond what I could handle now. Felt the assurance in my heart that God is in control, God will take care of everything. God sees, God guides. Felt that God will bring me to a place where I’ll be happy, I’ll be satisfied, I’ll be secured. All I need is to trust in Him, to trust His heart.
Wow! I’m so excited for the future. I believe what God has prepared ahead for me will be very good. Sometimes really want future to happen straight away, but I know God knows best. His timing is always on time.
His ways are so wonderful. I’m amazed.
&lovin' Bb at 12:24 AM♥