i don't understand
Sunday, March 27, 2005
I’m tired, really tired. Tired of all these nonsense every time I get home. Tired of looking at those angry faces. Tired. Felt like just leaving everything and don’t come back. Why my parents don’t understand me? Or I should say I don’t understand them? My dad doesn’t understand me, it’s okay, never mind, I understand, he’s still not saved. What about my mum? She’s a Christian, why she don’t understand me? I’m having late nights cause I want to serve God and I want to work. I don’t want myself to be a big burden for them. So I want to work. I don’t want to ask them for more money. I understand they also have their difficulties.
Everytime when I’m in need of money, I don’t want to approach my parents, unless it’s really necessary, I really don’t want to approach them, especially my dad, he just don’t like the things that I do. He always says that I’ll only approach him when I’m in need of him, and nothing else. Whatever I do, he’s always not happy about it. Felt like I really coming into a dead end. Felt like really have no place to go. Don’t feel like I’m at home, I really drag to go home everytime when I reach home late.
To be honest, everytime when I get back home late, felt that no one welcomes me with open arms, what welcomes me is coldness, angry faces, nothing pleasant. But at least I have a wonderful sister like Pui, who’ll always be there to stand by me, who’ll always fight with me. Can’t imagine a life without her. Hee.. think it’ll be terrible.
&lovin' Bb at 8:20 PM♥
After Sakae Sushi
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
it's really fun. took some pictures and we really eat alot. we are the first two customers who went into the restuarant.. and we really stayed there for a very long time.. think about 2.5 hours.. hehe.. and we really eat for a very long time.. and we 'out-eat' a lot of people.. hee.. remember there are two big guys sat on the table besides us.. they start eating about 3.45 like that.. then when they left.. we're still there.. haha..
and the service staff are all very friendly.. especially a aunty working over there.. she talked to us and really served us like we're special guests like that.. hmm.. felt like she's treating us like her daughter.. haha.. she real friendly.. really like to eat there.. next time must really go back.. hee..
but i think i drank too much water le.. stomach so bloated after eating.. haha.. next time if i have a chance to eat again..must eat with strategy.. must eat slowly...
&lovin' Bb at 8:15 PM♥
Sakae Sushi
now i'm on my way to meet Jennifer at Causeway Point.. hee.. kinda excited. cause later i'm going sakae sushi there to eat buffet.. hee.. this is the first time in my life i patronise sakae sushi. really excited. really hungry now. now i'm on the train, reaching woodlands soon. hmmm.. what shall i eat later? ..
i promised her that i'm going to give her a treat when i got my first pay.. but no time to do so till today. really looking forward to it
&lovin' Bb at 2:40 PM♥
Dance for Easter 2005
Monday, March 21, 2005
haha.. I’m so happy. Today I just received a message from Geri. She’s one of the dancers in the church's dance ministry. She said that they need some more dancers to help out in the Easter celebration and ask me whether I can help out or not. Haha. It’s another great opportunity for me to serve God with this little gift that I have. Really thank God for this. Really felt so blessed to be able to help out and take part in the big events like this. Hee..
Geri told me they are going to do Siloutte during the hell scene. That is dancing behind a cloth and there will be light shining on the cloth to create shadow and effect. Wow.. I felt that this is really cool. Hee.. She said that the practise starts tomorrow and all the way to Friday. But I got working on Tuesday and Thursday. Then Geri said that see how was the progress on wed and see how.. hee.. really hope that I can join.
&lovin' Bb at 11:15 PM♥
Business Law CA + fun day
today is really a very fun day for me. today noon, i went to have my business law CA presentation. we need to act like we are really in a court like that. my group are the defendant. Shuen and Kathleen are the lawyers at my side. Jasmine and Muliani are the lawyers for the plaintiff. it is really a very fun experience as we can have a feel of what is it like to be in a court and really take part in a court case. hee.. really spent alot of time in this project. casue must think of things like what will the opposite team says and what laws we can use to let us win the case. as a whole, i really love it.
sometimes during the trial, muliani and jasmine list out some points that we did not really prepared much about. so we need to search for answer on the spot.
after the trial, the judge did not announce who won the case. she just want to know how we present our points and on how much we know about the case. but i still learnt alot from it..
hee.. after school, shuen and i decided to look for Joan. cause she is not in school today, she told me she is not feeling well. so i paid her a visit. wah.. in Bedok lei..
her house is really nice.. i like the floor tiles, so white and smooth.. hee.. and her house is on the 18th floor. so high.. but it is really windy. like it alot.. i stayed at her house till about 7 like that then i go some coffeeshop to grab a bite. hee.. shuen told me that e hokkien mee there is nice.. but the stall was closed. so i ate minced meat noodles instead.
after eating.. shuen send me off to the bus stiop. hee.. she's so cute.. there are alot of bus that can take me to somewhere near bedok interchange.. but she insist me to take bus number 9, which is the only bus that will take me to interchange directly. she say she want to make sure i will not get lost and no need to walk so far to interchange.. hee.. so caring.. but i waited for that bus for donkey years.. so long..
it is really nice to go out with her today.. enjoyed it alot.. after when i reached bedok interchange.. i took 168 back to woodlands.. when i got up the bus.. slept all the way back.. after that..i meet pui at causeway point.. she say she want to buy a new phone.. but we did not mange to get one.. just went there to take a look only.. after that.. went supermarket shop.. bought quite alot of things and went home.. hehe.. fun day..
&lovin' Bb at 10:17 PM♥
Rev. Benny Hinn Crusade
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
Day 1 (11 March 2005)
today, i'm really looking forward for the crusade.. cause this is the first time i am going to Rev Benny Hinn's crusade and i never seen how God can heal people mirculously. before the crusade, i kept telling myself it's time for me to increase my faith level.
first night, there's alot of people coming for the crusade.. really looking forward. cause i saw there are alot people coming with wheel chairs and there's one lying on a bed... before the service, all the choir members need to report at 5pm. then after that, we went in to take our seats and we have a short choir practise.. we had practise with Pastor Benny's staff. he is really good.. cause when he teach us to split into parts and he sing the parts for us.. he is able to change to different parts immediately. really super fast. really amazed.. hehe..
the service started, at first, our own BV lead the praise. then after that.. Pastor Benny's staff took over. we sang the songs that's inside the black book.. hehe.. it's really fun to be in part of the choir. i really enjoyed singing.. hehe..
after that.. when we're singing "How Great Thou Art", Pastor Benny walk in from the back of the stage... really felt very happy.. hehe..
after that, we sang some worship songs and after that Pastor Benny start to preach. He talked about the gospel..
Jesus, throughout His ministry, He'll go around healing people. it's really God desire to heal everyone of us. He's not only here to die for our sins, He's here to die for our sicknesses also. all sickness can be healed when you speak upon His name.
Pastor Benny also talk about some examples, like the woman with the issue of blood. she is so full of faith, although she's being weaken by the disease that she has, but she didn't give up hope. she still continue to wait for a miracle to come. and when Jesus pass by her house, she went all the way to receive her miracle, and by her faith, she was being made well.
Pastor Benny also mentioned that in the Bible, the people have total faith on Jesus that He'll heal, no body has any doubt about that. but at that time, the scribes doubt that His ability to forgive sins... that's what happened at that time. but for now, it's the other way around. just find that it's really amazing that time can really change people mindset and perception about something.
After preaching, Pastor Benny start to minister to the people.. really looking forward for this moment as i really want to see people get healed and i don't know how's it like.. then we start to worship and Pastor Benny start to pray and lead the worship.. then about 5 mins later.. i saw one empty wheel chair being carried up on stage.. wow.. it's really amazing~! God is really my healer~!
After that.. many empty wheelchairs start to appear on stage. and there is also an empty bed being brought up on stage. in total, there's about 11 wheelchairs and 1 bed... at that time.. my heart is so filled with amazement.. some portion in my heart didn't really believe that God can really heal, as i never seen with my own eyes before. but after today, my perception changes totally.. after seeing so many miracles.. now i really believe that God can really heal.
after that.. the people who are healed came up on stage one-by-one to share their testimony.. there are alot of Indonesians came up to share their testimonies. Pastor Benny said that he will go Indonesia next year.. the Indonesian that came today was really overjoyed.. there are many people from overseas and they fly all the way to Singapore to attend this crusade and to receive healing.. countries like Korea and Indonesia.
there was one person that came up and share his testimony, he said that he got lung cancer for a few years.. and he can't breathe normally before the service.. he said that just now when Pastor Benny was praying, he felt warmth coming into his lungs and chest area and now he can breathe freely and he ran on the stage from one end to the other.. and there are many people that came up and they said that they couldn't walk nor move their arms before service.. but when Pastor Benny was ministering.. some felt that there is an electricity that came through their body, some felt warmth, some said that they just jumped out of their wheel chair and are healed..
God is really miraculous. i am truly amazed at what He can do. After quite a few came up and share their testimony, we continue to worship the Lord. His presence was so thick.. and after that, Pastor Benny turn back and ask the choir,' do you want the anointing?' wow.. really happy when he said that.. all of us said yes of course..
after Pastor Benny said that sentence, suddenly felt that God's presence get so thick suddenly, can feel His weight falling on me.. then after that.. Pastor Benny prayed for us.. and when he finished praying.. and all the choir just fall down after he shouted.. wow.. it's such a wonderful experience.. i definately will not forget..
after the whole service.. i'm really speechless.. can't help but keep worshiping the Lord.. really wanted to have this kind of presence everytime during my own quiet time.. really yearns for Him.. really want to walk close with Him.. i felt satisfied yet i still want more of His presence... this experience is something then i couldn't describe through words.. it's something that you really need to experience it yourself.
Day 2 (12 Mar 2005)
today supposed to have only one service.. but last night Pastor Kong announce that we're going to have an additional service. really looking forward. haha.. after last night's experience.. i'm coming back for more of Him.. hee..
today's afternoon service.. Pastor Benny shared about God's presence and glory, what the difference and stuff.. he said that.. presence of God is really very precious.. some times in His presence.. there is a holy silence.. a slight whisper can break this silence and His presence will leave too..
i really learnt alot.. really.. although the sermon is short.. but i felt that i have listened to one of the most amazing sermon ever had.. a sermon that really hit into my heart.. felt that i really want more of God.. i'm not satisfied.. i want more~!
i felt that i am really privilege to be in the choir.. to be a part to usher in the presence of God.. that time.. just after the preaching.. felt that i really cannot miss this chance.. Pastor Benny is really a very anointed man.. really must grab as much as possible from him.. after this crusade.. i don't know when is the next.. furthermore.. after yesterday's experience.. today.. i'm back for more.. i don't want to go back empty handed and felt nothing.. i want my vessel to be filled with the anointing of the Holy Spirit.
after the preaching.. we start to worship God.. this time.. i felt that there is a different flow.. felt that God's moving in a different way.. a stronger way.
Pastor Benny start to pray for the congregation.. he lay hands on people on the first row.. then after that.. he ask the people in the floor area to hold hands.. then Pastor Benny prayed for them and BAM! all of them fell under the power of God.. wow..
after that.. he pray for people on my right.. he did the same thing.. ask them to hold hands.. and the same thing happened.. wow.. i am really amazed by the sight.. God's presence is so strong.. so thick.. wave after wave of His presence coming into SIS.. like a mighty wind.. i never saw this before.. really.. i was really amazed by this. after that, he did the same thing to the back row and the left.. same thing happen. wow.. whole of SIS was really saturated with God's presence.. at that time, i felt my knees are so weak. i hardly could stand the weight.
after that, Pastor Benny prayed for the choir.. wow.. i really felt so refreshed.. after so many days of practising, i felt that this is all worth it. i really love to dwell in His presence.. i don't want to leave.. i wish i could be in His presence all the days of my life. i want to be closer and closer to Him each day.
after the service, all of us are so excited.. as we believe that the next service will be another power packed crusade, even more powerful than the last one..
so now is the second service of the day, the last service for the whole Pastor Benny's crusade. i really can't believe that time really flies. and now is already the last service..
and this service, i sang as loud as i could. i want to make sure that i'll be able to remember as much from this crusade as possible, the every little detail. in this service.. i know everyone feels the same as me.. actually, i really enjoyed these few days. this crusade really open my eyes alot, i thank God for Pastor Benny, he let me see what it means by working hand in hand with the Holy Spirit, tapping into the supernatural, created one miracles after another.
every service, there will be alot of people coming into the service sick, wounded. and when the service ends, people will be healed, restored. i thank God, He is really great.
Holy, are You Lord. No other, I adore. Holy, most worthy of praise. Jesus I give You all...
After the last service, i relly felt so blessed. i felt so happy. i don't want to go home. i want to stay in SIS as long as i could. but i still need to rush for the last train..
i really thank God that i didn't miss this crusade, and i thank God i'm in the choir. i felt my faith level is really being stretched and expanded in these few days.. thank You Jesus, You're great.
&lovin' Bb at 1:33 PM♥
Choir Prac
Friday, March 11, 2005
these few days i went for choir practise.. wah... it's so fun~! hee.. i went for choir prac last sunday, monday, and yesterday. hee.. sunday and monday i went to church to have choir prac.. and yesterday went SIS to have practise.
on sunday, i went to prac.. wah.. got so many people... heard sister annabel said we need a 1000 strong choir for Rev. Benny Hinn's crusade.. really lookin forward to it.. hee...
then when i first got my choir song book.. wah.. whole book only got two songs that i know how to sing.. haha.. but as i learn e songs one by one.. find that although i don't know much about hymns.. find that hymns are very nice.. hehe.. kinda alot to learn.. hehe..
it's really a fun time to be a part of e choir.. hehe..
&lovin' Bb at 9:54 AM♥
Calling
Thursday, March 03, 2005
.. last week.. Rev Ulf talked about calling during the weekend services.. it really impacted my life.. what he said is really true.. we're not called to just a ministry.. we're called to serve Him.. live a life set apart for Him.. there're many friends around me.. they said they only want to go this ministry or that ministry.. i felt that as long as you have a willing heart to serve, any ministry doesn't matter, you're still serving God. but of course if you can get into the ministry that you have passion in is another plus point la.. but no matter what.. you're still serving God.. any ministry doesn't matter..
for me.. i really want to grow, spiritually.. i really want to fufil the high calling He has for my life.. really want to increase my capacity.. but now .. i still have a long way to go.. .. i really got to move on.. must jia you.. hee.. last week.. i made an official decision.. i want to serve God all e way.. i renewed my commmitment with Him last week.. hee... no matter what happens.. back sliding is not an option.. hee.. :)
i want to run the race.. all the way to the end.. and finish it.. ...
&lovin' Bb at 12:54 PM♥
Bakers Inn
hee.. on tuesday.. Chris ask me to help him out with his jap.. then met up with him after school.. we went to bakers inn there do his project.. hee.. so we sat there and we order some soda and cakes .. there are two cakes.. one is with strawberry..chris say they added some alcohol into that cake.. then the other one is white chocolate with cake.. then outside got a layer of milk chocolate.. wow... it's so soft.. sooooo nice.. :) love it.. but the problem is that it's quite expensive.. hee.. anyway that day the i didn't paid much for the cakes.. hee.. next time if i got alot of money will go there eat cake.. hee.. but think after that will broke for very long.. haha..
i think i really need to brush up my jap sia.. very easy sentences also need very long time to think.. hai~~spent about 2 hours there just to check his jap project.. hee.. i hope didn't make his life worse.. hee.. cause i change quite a lot on his project.. haha..
when we're still checking the project halfway, ying jie called.. she was at bugis with may shan that time.. then chris ask them to come over and join us la.. then ying jie, as usual, think too much.. she thought we two are dating.. haha.. really very funnie..
aiya.. of course not dating la.. just normal friends.. nothing much... hehe.. anyway.. both of them didn't join us la.. they both went home.. hee..
then after bakers inn.. we went to takashimaya there to eat dinner.. hee.. saw a bunch of weird people.. they dressed up like they're going for a retro party.. think got about 10 people.. both male and female.. then as we're eating our dinner.. both of us find them very strange.. cause some of the guys start to clean up the table for the cleaning aunties there.. then they went to clean for quite a few rounds lei.. then they don't look like they're paid to do so. cause i saw them ask those aunties on duty where to put the dirty plates and stuff.. hee.. very strange.. and they're sooooo noisy.. amke the whole place like fish market like that.. aiyoh.. cannot take it.. hee..
after dinner, i took mrt back home.. chris took bus.. hee..
&lovin' Bb at 12:33 PM♥
JAE Duty
... today i need to help out in JAE. last week in lecture, the lecturer (veronica wong) ask the class who can volunteer to help out for JAE.. need people for various time slots.. hee.. i signed up.. (helpful rite?? hee.. for 2 CCA points.. hee..)
then i was looking forward to really do alot of things in JAE lei.. maybe can do some councelling and stuffs.. but the problem is i took the morning shift.. hai~~ starts from 8:30am to 11:30am. so usually the students will not come so early one loh.. so throughout the duty i didn't do much things.. hee.. hai~~ so sad..
then during 8:30am just now, shuen and i went to the concourse there. hee.. so far away. then we went there to take the attendence. the lecturer on duty there ask us whether we had our breakfast.. then after that he allowed us to go grab a bite.. hee.. wah.. so happy.. i was like so hungry just now.. ate mcdonalds' breakfast.. hee.. so happy.. then after that we stroll back to the booth that we're supposed to be. then i saw there are alot of students helpers around, especially for school of business.. hehe.. then we really got nothing to do there.. cause when the students came.. they will by pass the student helpers and will go straight to the lecturers.. hai~~ so sad..
knew 3 guys from business IT.. hee.. they're all very friendly.. and shuen do most of the talking.. (i'm not those talking type.. can't talk as much as her.. hee..) then throughout the whole 3 hours duty.. spent most of the time talking.. hee.. so bad rite?? but what to do.. really got nothing to do lei.. hee..
at first we found a place to sit down and chat.. after that we went to one of the rooms to get ourselves some tea and we chat again.. after drinking.. still chat.. haha.. really got no people.. the number of student helpers are greater than the visitors loh.. hai~~ so sad.. after that at around 11 like that, shuen, me and one of the DBIT friend walk back to school of business here.. hee..
overall.. i find that i really didn't make myself useful during the 3 hours duty.. hee...
&lovin' Bb at 12:05 PM♥
Name: Manman<3
God's Little Girl, Bb, Dance, Love, W16, Paint, Food, Sleep