Living for a new tomorrow.

Dance.. Stress.. Tired

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

hai~ last few days had dance prac.. really physically v tired. now having muscle ache all over.. sian..

then i find that i couldn't get the correct accent that i want.. i haven't went to the standard that i want myself to be..

what should i do...

God.. pls give me the strength to enable me to dance better... and also able to flow with the rest of the teammates.

&lovin' Bb at 3:23 PM♥

friends in my life

Thursday, May 11, 2006

friends care for each other.. friends will not think of way to hurt one another .. friends will not drop sarcastic remarks on one another..

true friendship lasts.. even if you don't have the chance to talk to one another. you still understand each other.. that's what true friends is about.. i love jennifer. she's my friend. knew her for so long.. sometimes we'll think the same way.. do the same things.. hee... it's so nice being with her.. she's my true friend.. although i have little time to be with her.. kinda busy.. but i know that we're still best friends no matter what..

being with her has no pressure.. i felt at ease.. i can tell her almost anything under the sun..

all my life.. met so many people.. many people just come and go in my life.. it's really very rare to meet a friend that can meet each other's needs..

a few times i met a few friends.. their purpose is to get.. and not to give.. this kind of friendship might develop.. but will not last long... i didn't contact many of them le..

i also know many friends that i usually say,'hi' and 'bye'.. some i know that they'll continue to be my 'hi' and 'bye' friends.. some although i always 'hi' and 'bye'.. but i felt very at ease with them.. i felt like i can get to know them more.. i felt really happy to see them..

i really wanna thank God that He brought me to this cell group.. i love my cell group.. everyone is so nice.. although i don't have time to get to know everyone better.. overall ... i love my cell group.. this is where i could find friendships that last for a long time..

don't know why i suddenly want to talk all these.. hee.. i also not sure what am i talking about..

just felt that if i wanna to be a good friend to someone.. i shouldn't demand his or her attention all the time.. i shouldn't always be the one who always throw rubbish at people and not willing to accept other people's rubbish..

sometimes i will feel really tired when some friends will keep throwing rubbish at me.. and for years.. same kind of rubbish was keep throwing at me.. at first i still can take it.. cause me personally also got some rubbish in my life.. i also have my flaws.. so i understand that.. it's okay to have rubbish.. i can clear some.. that's what friends for..

friends are supposed to help another..

help one another??

how come i don't it that way??

seems like your defination is friends should help me..

it's for years.. the same kind of rubbish kept throwing at me.. i will really get sick and tired of it.. i think after all.. i'm still a human.. i can't be like God.. i got limited capacity..

really very tired when the friends kept throwing rubbish at me.. and i cleared for them, help them.. but many times the same problem come back.. seems like the previous clearing up is totall no use.. a simply waste of my time..

and all they know is to throw rubbish.. don't even to bother to care for me and ask me whether i got any rubbish to throw or not?? and still think that you are my good friend?? sorry hor.. you haven't won my respect.. i'm not willing to be friend with you.. i don't want friends that are sooooooooo selfish..

not going to tell you who they are.. but one thing for sure is that many of them i stop contacting long ago..

anyway.. what's wrong with me today?? talk about so many crappy stuff..

strange

maybe i not having a tip-top mood todae ba... okay.. time to sleep..

&lovin' Bb at 2:45 AM♥

a Little Prayer

Lord, from today till after emerge conference's over.. oh God.. please guide me.. give me Your strength...

i can't rely on my own strength.. i will fall.. God.. please strengthen me as only You can..

guide me.. where should i go?? where??? please let me know.. which job should i take?? let Your will be done in my life..

Jesus.. i really want to be like You.. i pray i could have breakthrough in my character flaws.. really want to change for the better.. i want to be like You..

i'm really really tired... Lord... will there be a time where everything will just pause for one day.. and i have have a good rest?? will there be a day like that when i can just sleep for a whole day??

what's happening to me man.. what's wrong with me?? it's been a very long time since i felt this way. it's been many many months.. last few months though tired.. but i still have the strength to move on.. but now like all the strength just disappeared all of the sudden..

&lovin' Bb at 2:31 AM♥

so packed so packed

hai~ tomorrow got sooooooooooo many shirts to paint.. then still need to go o school to meet bro kenny.. then friday got recording.. dance prac.. and choir.. sat got choir then after that rehearsal.. then sunday choir again.. really very tired physically and mentally.. wah.. dying soon..

then talentime dance haven't finish the choreo.. then pos also keep relying on me.. at this rate i won't be able to join pos definately..

ARGH!!!! (shouting at the top of my voice.. hope i was at the sea side... )

don't feel like talking to anyone.. having headache now.. like so many things need to be done and it was undone.. can't get to sleep also.. having sleepless nights for sooooo many days..

really very tired.. tired of i can't even could remember what i need to do.. too many things for me to remember..

how i wish i got 240 hours a day..

&lovin' Bb at 2:21 AM♥

Bugis..

tuesday went to school meet lecturer.. then we talked to him for about 1 hour..

we talked about when can we pass the business to next batch of students..

we want to end it before june starts.. which is less than one month's time..

today i saw xiao wei at bugis.. she is the one going to take over.. and i ask her to quickly settle by monday and let me know.. really want to have a break.. after about half a year of plowing in the shop.. time for me to take a rest.. hope i can leave at the starting of june.. really hope..

now like so many things i can't do.. i'm free in the morning.. then i can't meet people for BS.. cause they got school.. then at night i'm not free and they are free.

really not sure whether i should venture in business or just look for a job and that's it..

if i just get a job.. i can do alot of things.. i'll be free.. and i'll have time to do many other things.. but i don't want just to get a fix pay every single month.. my passion is in biz.. but if i go into biz again.. think this next biz will be more time consuming than this current one..

read the book wrote by nanz chong.. now i'm at the half way mark.. she wrote in her book that when she just started her biz.. she commit herself totally in the biz... she don't have time to do other things except making her biz grow into shape..

hai~~ should i just forget about doing biz?? and just become an employee for the rest of my life??

all the neighbours at bugis street.. they faithfully go to their shop every single day..

i don't have this amount of time.. i can't be staying at the shop every day.. i don't have time for that..

hai~~ what should i do??

starting a shop is really a dream for me.. but will this dream ultimately come to reality??? i don't know .. i wish it'll be.. really..

&lovin' Bb at 2:09 AM♥

oh giddy..

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

suddenly felt really giddy.. after dance class on mon.. keep having the giddy feel now and then.. what's happening??

strange.. the giddyness gettin from bad to worse.. oh my..

think i stop surfing net le.. go play guitar a while then quicky go sleep.. it's 3am now le.. hee..

&lovin' Bb at 3:02 AM♥

aiyoh.. so girl

hee.. today i went city plaza.. wanted to look for the boots that calynne bought. but i couldn't find it.. and chris was with me too.. then we went around in city plaza.. i introduced him to my suppliers.. hee...

then after that we go bugis.. went to icon to shop for a while.. then wanted to go bevan's girlfriend's shop.. but it's not open..

i bought a tank top there.. 10 bucks.. quite a deal.. hee.. then chris bought two shirts.. hee.. he say he wanna try out stitching..

after that went to his shop.. try out some clothes.. aiyoh.. he take all those girl girl clothes.. so not me.. then total i try out 3 sets of clothes.. one is more of cool style.. kinda like the pants.. hee.. should i buy??? the second one i will not wear out.. cause it's bubble skirts..

and chris took some photos.. hee... wanna ask him send to me.. hee..

his shop's merchandise overall is very interesting.. hee..

can go check it out

Bugis Street.. 2nd level.. shop name: Rainbow Street

&lovin' Bb at 2:39 AM♥

You can be alive again

Monday, May 08, 2006

last friday.. during cell group.. felt the Lord really wanna speak to some people regarding some things.. but didn't have a chance to say it.. hee..

felt the Lord is reminded me about the passage when Jesus resurrect a widow's son.. who was dead..

to the widow.. it's a hope lost.. unless a miracle happen in her life.. she will lose all hope.. all joy.. to her.. her life will be over.. she step out to reach out to Jesus, Jesus stepped into her life and resurrect her son from the dead..

felt the Lord speaking to me that maybe there is a death in your situtation now.. maybe there is some dreams, some desires, some thoughts, and you really want to have it before. and now you chuck it aside.. you want to forget about it and move on. but in your heart.. you really want it.. but seems that it is impossible for you.

maybe there is a dream where you really want to serve God.. you really want to know the calling you have in your lifetime.. but till now.. it seems like that dream to serve God where He called you to be is no where near.. you find that you're just stuck somewhere.. no where else to turn to.. you not sure now whether is that what God called you to become what you see yourself to be in your dreams..

maybe you find there is a death in a relationship with someone.. you find that it seems impossible to resolve the relationship with him/her.. maybe you want to just chuck it aside and concentrate on other people.

maybe you find there is a death in a situation that you're in.. a death.. it is impossible to go on.. there is no break through.. you prayed for so long.. so long.. many nights it really hurts and you cried before the Lord.. but the break through is not here.. you wondered many times whether God really answer prayers.. you even wondered sometimes whether there is really a God? you really want to give up.. give up everything and live your old life.. but you don't want to leave cause you don't want to lose all that you have now in the church..

maybe you find there is a death in your spiritual life.. there is really no presence of God everytime you pray and worship God.. you felt that you are just going through the motion in life.. you wondered why God put you here.. you wondered why God just suddenly leave your life.. maybe you start to think that are you one of God's beloved..you really felt so dry in the spirit that you really lose all hope.. lose all exitement.. lose all energy to move on.. you felt that your world is going to fell apart.. you felt that you're just merely using your own strength to move on.. you wanna give up.. really.. even your smile is not from within you.. you felt that you shouldn't be feeling this way.. but you don't know where went wrong..

maybe you felt this way.. really felt that God is speaking that he can resurrect the dead situation you are in.. if you can resurrect a dead boy.. he can resurrect your dreams, your life, your situation. He can turn your world around for the good.. nothing is too difficult for Him to accomplish..

whatever dead situation you have, dead dreams, dead desire, dead relationship.. leave it unto God.. have faith in Him.. ask Him in faith to resurrect your death..

the bible said, everytime God did a miracle.. it's according to the person's faith.. the miracle happen.. to God.. He can turn everything around for you.. He can do anything and EVERYTHING.. but how much you can believe God for?? just a good turn in situation or you believe for a total victory??

it's according to your faith.. your own faith.. no one else can help you..

you can't live according to someone else's faith.. unless you increase your faith level in your life.. God can do nothing..

it's according to your faith..

felt that God is telling you that He knows your hurt.. He knows.. He watches.. He's always there with you.. even when times you are crying alone.. He's just beside you.. comforting you in a still small voice.. but many times you are so stuck in your situation.. so focus on the problem.. you can hear His voice.

He is there all along.. He never left you...

leave all your anxieties onto God's hands.. he will resurrect your death. He'll make it to live again.. just like the widow's son.. made alive again..

your miracle is so near you. don't give up k?

the breakthrough.. it's so near.. so near you.. you'll regret for eternally if you choose to give up now.. felt that the break through that you need is really very near you.

you'll be like that widow.. once her hope is all lost.. Jesus came.. and she was jumping for joy.. i believe that the widow has never smiled so happily before.. she has long forgotten what's joy.. she has lost all joy.. when her son's dead.. she felt in her heart.. that's the end..

but she choose not to be defeated by the circumstances.. Jesus resurrect her son.. imagine what the widow will react.. she'll be jumping for joy.. she will hug and kiss her son.. she will not be able to control herself.. the happiness and joy is simply overwhelming.. it's seems like this is the first time she felt happy that she's here..

God wants you to feel the same.. He wants to resurrect your life.. He long to see you happy.. jumping for joy.. the joy simply overwhelms you..

leave your death onto God today! let Him resurrect your life.. believe in your heart that breakthrough is near.. not just saying from your mouth that you believe.. you need to say that from the inside of you.. you need to believe with your whole being.. from the inside of you.. you believe!!!!!

You can be like that widow.. once.. all hope lost.. now.. so free.. so happy..

Believe God today!! let Jesus resurrect your life. you can live an enjoyable, fulfilling life full of His purpose..

&lovin' Bb at 9:29 AM♥

God answer prayers

i really want to testify what God has done in my life.. i believe that all the events happen is more than a coincidence..

1) last monday, i need to rush to woodlands to meet POS people for some discussion.. i was at town at that time.. after that i need to rush back to marina bay to have a gathering with pasta people.. but when i just reach woodlands.. the sky is really dark, and there is sound of thunder.. lightning could be seen like once every half a minute.. ususally this kind of weather.. rain is expected.. anytime now..

but if it rains.. it'll be very inconvenient for me.. really.. cause initially i no need to go back to woodlands area one.. but POS people said they wanna meet me for some discussion.. really want to help them.. then i go.. when i was walking to civic centre to meet them, i prayed that let God delay the rain till after i finish everything and leave for marina bay.. that will be like 2 or 3 hours later..

usually the situation like this (the dark sky.. loud thunder) , start to rain only after 2 or 3 hours is impossible.. i also prayed for the weather at marina bay that it'll be well..

i just said a prayer and i when to civic centre to meet my friends.. after discussion.. i was on the way home to put something before heading for marina. then i remembered what i prayed just now.. i look at the sky.. the thunder and lightning disappeared.. the sky look dark too.. it didn't rain.. then i got home.. put my stuff down and make my way to MRT station.. throughout the whole trip.. not a single raindrop fall on me. i really want to thank God for that..

2) been praying for my health these few weeks.. cause i've been sleeping for little time and was quite tired physically these few weeks.. then i know that my body was not working really well.. not in my top condition.. besides that.. i also got some condition in my body these past few months.. and it's not working the way it should be.. so really prayed to God for healing..

last week... i felt that the Lord speaking to me that within one month i'll be healed.. that time.. i don't really believe.. i thought i was the one who came out with that thought and i just chuck it aside..

then this week.. the condition really disappeared totally.. i really want to thank God for that.. He's really my healer, my doctor. Thank you Jesus!

besides these two.. God also answer my many other prayers.. big and small.. God really answer prayers!

&lovin' Bb at 9:13 AM♥

you okay??

yesterday night i was on MSN.. i was chatting with a close friend of mine.. kinda know this person for a long time. Then after that my friend told me that my friend broke up with his boyfriend. and my friend was quite depressed as the boyfriend didn't mention why he wants to break with my friend.

The break up happens on last week. i remembered my friend said that the incident was last week and till now the feeling sets in.

i don't really know how to encourage my friend. never been through a relationship before, how will i understand truly how will my friend feel.

really felt sorry for my friend. i think my friend really like him a lot. really want to bring my friend out of depression. this is the first time i feel my friend was not in the usual self. usually my friend will be very chatty, lame.. and if i irritate my friend, my friend will get very disturbed and take revenge.

but this time, it's different... could feel it through the MSN, think my friend is trying to forget the sad memories...

Lord God, how can i help my friend.. some how can help my friend feel better?? no matter what, i knew my friend for a very long time, wanna help my friend to quickly stand up and move on..

&lovin' Bb at 9:01 AM♥

new discovery

Sunday, May 07, 2006

hee.. just now i was playing around with my com..

i found that the speaker's volume is abit soft.. so i tried to adjust the volume.. then i accidently found a program that enable to change the sound...

like can change how the song will sound..there is a function called environment. so when you listen to the song.. it'll sound as if you are listening to the song in that specific environment.. although i know it's not new.. but i find it very interesting.. hee.. playing with that for about 10mins.. my ears are really tired after listening to all the different types of effect in one single song.. haha..

then there is a function that enable me to change the key of the song.. hee.. then at that time the song was a duet.. then when i shift to the lowest key.. it sound like two guys are singing love song to each other.. when i shift to the highest key... as if two little girls are singing.. hee.. so cute..

got tired after playing aound.. glad that i found something new in my com.. (i didn't know my com got so many program i haven't found out.. will there be any program that even i need to change a new computer.. the program have not been 'discovered' by me??)

maybe.. hee..

gone tired of playing that program after 10 mins.. cause it's really a chore to my ears.. my ears are tired of listening already.. hee..

&lovin' Bb at 11:45 PM♥

Baby Photos.. Oh.. memories

Thursday, May 04, 2006

hee.. need to give some baby photos to the church. cause they wanna make some video out of it. and as i flipped through all the photos.. memories came flooding into my mind once again.. hee.. it's so sweet... hee..

&lovin' Bb at 12:37 PM♥

Interesting Day

Yesterday i was at my shop.. then during dinner time.. bro valor came.. and he ate dinner with me.. hee.. he told me he meeting Kel they all after their BS is over.. to go to Jeremy's grandpa wake.

not long after that, kel called.. bro valor ask them to come over to bugis. and they had dinner at bugis area. after that when they have had their dinner.. they came over to my shop. i was attending to some customer at that time.. then after that they wanted to go off already..

but after that i still leave together with them, as the customer have finished ordering the shirts.. then we make our way to lavender.

the most interesting part is here.. we wait for the MRT to come.. then jacky and minkuan was disturbing me with their vocal delay technique.. it's really super irritating.. can't stand it..

then the train came.. it's really very crowded.. and jacky managed to get into the train first.. but the rest of us decided to try squeezing in thru other doors.. bro valor ran ahead of us.. and i saw he got into the train.. the rest of us squeezed into another door..

when the door closed.. we saw bro valor was outside.. i think he didn't see us squeezing with him and he thought we didn't get into the train and he got out.. haha.. he's the only one left not taking the train.. haha.. so funnie..

when we're reaching lavender.. going to alight.. we suddenly thought that jacky might not know where to alight.. so when door open we just ran out and look for him..

we saw him and shouted at him to come out of the train.. he saw us.. he tried to squeeze out.. but the door just slam shut before him.. he didn't managed to get out.. haha.. really very funny.. one did not get into the train.. one did not get our of the train. haha..

then we went out of the station to wait for them.. surprisingly jacky came first.. haha.. and he continue to disturb me.. oh great.. anyway.. sometime after that, bro valor came.. and we decided to laugh at him.. together.. hee..

then we make our way to the venue of the wake .. it's at singapore casket..

we reached there.. and the place is very crowded. we manged to get some tables and chairs.. some initially need to stand.. but after that the rest could get some seats at the other side of the room.

jeremy relative saw us and they flood us with all the food. we managed to finish all the food that they gave us.. we are already very full. and jeremy's grandma pass us a plate of freshly cooked prawn noodles.. and we all nominated min kuan to eat it.. hee...

this is the first time in my life i heard min kuan said that the chilli is super spicy.. haha.. it's really my first time.. he said it's really hot until his ears could feel the sensation..

but just now as he was eating.. i saw kel's noodles had added alot of chilli.. and he still say the chilli is not spicy enough.. wow.. think kel can really eat chilli.. haha..

after eating and spending sometime there with CG members and with jeremy's family members.. we make our way back home..

it's really a very interesting day for me.. haha.. so many funny things happened..

&lovin' Bb at 11:58 AM♥

birthday present

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

on sat bro valor blessed me a book.. One business 99 lessons.. written by nanz chong komo..

i just started to read the first few pages of the book.. and i find it very useful to me.. cause i'm running a business now.. although it's not really big.. but what i have been through.. she had been through too.. but what she been thru is much larger scale than mine..

i have learnt alot from her, by just reading the first few pages of the book.. really looking forward to finish up the book.

it's really highly recommended.. i love it.. i rate it 5 upon 5!!

&lovin' Bb at 1:35 AM♥

nonsense.