Living for a new tomorrow.

Running after You, Jesus

Saturday, February 19, 2005

Jesus, He's the reason i live, He's the reason i sing.. i felt that this is really what i want.. to seek Him and run after Him for the rest of my life.

many people might felt that i'm crazy.. be so busy working for someone so far away and you can't see Him... .. ..

that's not true.. serving God, i'm satisfied, content. although i can't see Him with my natual eyes, i could always feel Him so near to me.

He's my best friend. He knows me more than i know myself. without Him. i'm lost. without Him. i will have the strength to move on. without Him. i will die from inside out. without Him. i can't live.

i'm on a race. running after God. the goal is to complete what God called me to do. i don't want to give up on the race.. but many times it's so difficult.. when the heat comes.. it's so unbearable.. but many times God will protect me under His wings.. i felt comforted. i felt relieved. i move on..

this race.. sometimes there will be alot of people running together with you. there are many people who are running the race with you for a very long time.. some even overtaken you long ago.. but suddenly.. you realised you're alone..you look around.. they are no where to be found. they have given up.. left the race.. those times when you're running together are suddenly forgotten.. those times seems so real and so fake.. you don't know what to do.

sometimes i will ponder to myself.. what happened?? i thought we're a team? why suddenly you left the race without informing in advance?? why you are running in a different direction from me? why suddenly leave just like that.. my heart felt so empty all of e sudden.. suddenly felt so sad.. felt like crying.. suddenly felt real lost.. suddenly i realised myself standing on the track.. can't move an inch.. suddenly have alot of flash backs.. my heart starts to hurt.. so hurt.. are all these memories for real?? or are they all lies?? i don't understand.. don't understand at all.. why you want to leave this race?? don't you feel empty? don't you feel lost? is leaving the race the only answer?? do you know that because of you.. i stopped on the track.. standing there.. trying to pull you back.. i shouted and shouted.. you can't hear me.. i cried and cried.. you still want to continue walking where you've decided to go.. why? why are you so different?? you've changed.. so is this e real you?.. i don't understand.. i don't know.. what should i do? how should i react??

i don't know what i will do when i meet you again next time.. day by day it passed.. more and more i'm not willing to see your face again.. cause i don't know what i should react.. i'm afraid my emotions will get ahead of me.. i'm afraid see the other you.. i'm afraid.. to face the facts.. i'm afraid.. that i might broke down.. i'm afraid.. that i will fall.. i'm afraid.. that i will quit.. .. because of you..

don't know why..

suddenly have thoughts of quitting the race too.. ..

i know i couldn't.. i should say i don't want to quit the race.. i have to move on.. i don't want to quit this race.. i want to continue run..

run after Jesus.

i know that He's my refuge.. He's able to pull me through different kinds of situations and circumstances. His wisdom is no end.. He's always so faithful.. even when you're faithless.. He's always there to give you support.. He's always there to cheer for you as you are running the race.. when you're thirsty.. He'll give you water to refresh yourself. when you're hungry.. He'll give you the strength to move on.

My God..

Jesus..

..

...

I..

I Love You..

I don't wanna let You go..

forever..

even when people quit the race.. i will not follow them.. i will continue to plow through.. even how tired i am.. i need to move on.. i know that somewhere in front.. i can find rest.. somewhere in front.. i can refreshed once again.

i realised that i shouldn't build my hope on others.. i should build my hope on God.. if you build your hope in others.. when they quit the race.. you'll be stumbled.. build your hope on Jesus.. as He's the author and finisher of our faith. leaning on Him, you'll be secured. you're safe..

God.. thank You for all the things You've done in my life.. thank You.. i'm really grateful.. all e days of my life.. i know that those that left the race will come back and run with me again.. i have faith.. although it seems so impossible.. i know.. You'll make it happen.. i have faith in You..

&lovin' Bb at 2:35 AM♥

nonsense.