Living for a new tomorrow.

To Dance or Not To Dance

Saturday, June 17, 2006

Today, bro wen khai called me.. ask me regarding project O... i told him i definitely will not be going. i got cell group...

thinking that .. reminds me of an event that happened two years ago when i first join Emerge talentime.. that time i was a younger Christian.. hmm... to me.. to be honest.. getting on stage to dance is a competition, goal is to get the prize and to perform for man..

my focus is not really dancing for God.. to be honest.. my focus is just want to dance.. dancing for who.. doesn't really matter to be..

maybe that time i just want to seek the approval of man.. to be able to perform in front of many.. think my focus was really wrong that time.. i thank God that my team did not win that year. cause really felt that if i win.. proud ness will just puff up within me..

and that year i joined dance ministry for one month. that month was something very unforgettable.. it's really stressed to be in dance ministry. especially you don't know the basic techniques.. and you just get in.. really suffers.. my confidence really depleted alot.. i thought that i'll never make it to dance..

but in my heart i want to continue to dance.. i want to get into dance ministry one more time..

but that time i really need to make a decision. Cell group or dance.. cell group or dance??

i prayed a lot.. many times i broke down before the Lord and cried about this.. i really don't know what i should do.. where should i pursue after..
i struggled that for a very long time.. e feeling is unbearable.. really want to give up both and just leave this place..

but after that.. i made a decision one night when i was having my quiet time.. i told God that i want to be a CGL someday. i want to do His works. i don't want to go according to my flesh. i want to be a person that He wants me to be..

that's really a tough decision.. i thank God that He gave me the strength to pull thru this...

but two years after that.. I’m facing the same situation now.. feeling what i felt two years ago.. this time is project o.. being a dancer.. going in project o would be something that is expected.. haha.. going there is a place that you can really dance..

for myself.. these two years of training really changed my life as a person. now when i go on stage. i know that i will have the best audience around.. no matter where i go.. even if no man sees.. i know God sees.. God will definitely like my dance.. I’m dancing for Him.. whatever position i have doesn't really matters.. i am happy that joyous perfection won.. they really deserve it.. all girls team is difficult to win.. unless all the girls has e same style of dancing and is very coordinated...

whatever people say that i am doesn't matter to me anymore.. i just wanna dance.. this time is for God.. even no one applause for us.. it's alright with me... i just want to treasure every single time that i can dance for Him.. i know that in future, i will not have such chance anymore.. felt sad.. but God has already called me to do something else.. i want to move on..

that feeling that i had two years ago came back.. i am feeling like i really want to dance some more.. but i know that i need to be here in CG..
it's not about other opinion that where i should go.. i felt that God really wants me to stay in the CG.. i doesn't felt the peace in my heart to go for project o..

just now i went out for a while to go to get some paints from dorin.. hmm... suddenly have this thinking.. imagine myself in heaven's gate one day.. standing there waiting for God to pass me my report book of my life..

maybe in my lifetime, i became a really great dancer.. in my lifetime.. received many applause, many honour, many other glory.. i am standing there.. maybe i'm waiting all the heavens to applause for me one more time..

then when God pass me my report book.. i was shocked.. realizing that whatever i pursue whole of my life is totally not what God has intended you to be.. what a terrible day it would be..

God will not force us to become what He want us to be.. whatever decision we made.. He let us go.. He let us have the liberty to make our own decisions.

what a terrible day it would be.. knowing that I have wasted all my life on something that has add no value to my life at all.. no lives impacted.. and i didn't live out to my fullest potential.

i don't want to make such mistakes.. i don't have much time.. i only have like a hundred year's time.. this few years.. i want to be what God wants me to be.. i want to get to heaven someday and God tell me that,' good and faithful servant...'

i want to serve people.. bringing them into the kingdom of God.. i want to impact their lives.. teaching them the ways of the Lord..

i want to be able to declare during my last breath that i have finish the race.. i have kept the faith.. i have completed every single thing that God called me to be..

i love dance.. i really do.. but i know that God's calling is far greater than anything else. i chose to be a CGL for Him.. i never regreted.. i'll never regret.. i know that this path is the more challenging one.. but i want to pass my test of my life.. i want my report book in heaven to be 'excellent'..

&lovin' Bb at 2:26 AM♥

nonsense.