How? How????
Saturday, September 23, 2006
today had cell group.. cell group very fun.. everyone go through the emotional map.. angry, hurt, fear, regrets, intention, love.
after cell group.. i confirmed something.. haha.. i'm a lousy actress.. haha..
anyway.. today my dad off.. cause he went to have medical checkup. after cell group went downstairs coffeeshop to celebrate Kel's birthday.. haha.. bought a little chocolate cake for him.. and bought him a t-shirt as cg present.. jennifer went to buy de...really quite nice.. haha.. had a short fellowship at the coffee shop and i went home have my dinner...
my dad sitting alone at the living room.. i went to make my dinner.. then he was watching tv.. then after that he started to talk about him.. he told me he going back to hong kong on monday for one week.. cause there is one house we have in hong kong.. something happened.. and my parents intend to sell that house.. so next week my dad going back to see what he can do to the house.. if really can sell.. my mum also need to go back to sign..
then after that i ask him bout his medical appointment.. he shared with me what the doctor says.. although we didn't talk much.. but i can feel that both of us is having some mixed feelings inside.. hmm.. seems like the future is uncertain.. as he continue to share what kind of tests he went thru.. suddenly reality struck me.. my dad is no longer young.. really.. seems suddenly..
how am i going to have e capacity to help support my family if my dad couldn't work anymore? what if i'll be the only one who is going to make it possible?? suddenly felt my shoulder so heavy.. so heavy.. so heavy.. hmm.. what should i do??
i only earn so much a month.. hmm.. no matter how much i can save up.. definately not enough.. hmm.. what about my further studies.. should i continue to pursue? do i have e means to do it? do i? oh man..
God.. i really need a miracle.. really need one.. really need to increase my income per month.. if not.. i really don't know what will happen in the future..
really wanna go back to study jap.. think now really need to put this on hold.. hmmm.. think also need to save up.. think i spent too much these few months, since i started working.. really wanna save more.. in case anything happens.. still got some extra cash to spare..
sound kinda sad rite?? but i think that's reality.. not everything will be what you expected to be.. think i should start planning for my future.. reality is so difficult.. argh.. what should i do?
maybe i think too much.. maybe everything's gonna b alright.. but if the worst really come.. how can i survive? do i need to take many many jobs in one time to make it up?
God.. i know you are my Jehovah Jirah.. i believe you'll provide.. i trust in you.. i lift this burden into your loving hands.. i believe that as i sow.. i will reap back many many folds.. i believe that i'll never live a life of lack.. oh Lord.. pls help.. how can a girl like me make it happen? can i? do i have e ability?
sometimes don't wanna think about the future.. feels scary..
&lovin' Bb at 12:01 AM♥